The Disappearing Friend

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness.
Your job is to simply do your work…
Sacredly, secretly, and silently…
and those with ‘eyes to see and ears to hear’, will hear, – The Arcturians

When it comes to lifelong friends, I’m pretty unlucky. The many ‘friends’ I have had over the years have either been extremely selfish or full-blown drama shows. Traits such as being supportive, kind and genuine have more often that none been non-existent and the relationship a heavy burden to carry emotionally.

Moments such as sharing a funny story or joke, tears over lost love, a shopping spree or a good old wallow over a Ben and Jerry’s tub are either scarce or non-existent in my history. I have no complaints though, I have learnt a great deal from those who have been selfish or temporarily my best friend.

Now, I wont name any individual but a majority of my so-called ‘friends’ have the brilliant skill of disappearing without a trace or a word. I completely accept that some of my friends, particularly those I know well have genuine reasons to not be in touch and I have no complaints against them. However, I like many other people with certain friends have been through the time phase where I have called, text, and even emailed to no avail. Now I don’t bother and I learned a long time ago and the hard way to accept that this is the case for a large majority people I have crossed paths with. I realise that there have been common reasons for such a disappearance namely, a) I know it’s not personal at all but I just haven’t the time at present for even myself, b) ‘I’ve been genuinely and really busy’ and c) can’t be bothered perhaps? It’s ok my friend, I can take a hint.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet a high-ranking police officer which was published in the local newspaper. A friend who had fallen into the black hole of disappearance suddenly reappeared causing me some serious discomfort. She wanted to re-establish out friendship which I was unsure about at the time and even how to do. When we first became friends it was during a 3 week training session with a local charity and for a long period of time preceding this training we kept in touch regularly through calls, texts and meetings. Ours was not exactly an established friendship but it certainly wasn’t a new-born relationship and I truly believed that we had both invested a great deal into it, particularly emotionally. Then with a flash she disappeared completely, without a trace. I attempted to contact her through the usual mediums to see if she was OK, to chat and lastly to make sure she wasn’t mad at me for any reason but no, I was only to be met with silence. Took a while to recover from that one, she was once one of my best friends.

This is just one incident which I can recall, there have been many during school and university. Now my approach has changed, my attitude has changed. If I find that a friend has become a vanisher, I allow them to have their space if at all this is what they need otherwise I wish them luck on their journey through life. I completely accept that good friends do have the right to disappear for a bit, and it is a privilege which they have truly earned through proving themselves as friends. The few good and true friends that I do have call me a total pushover and believe this form of temporary emotional investment is so not healthy for me. Being totally honest I partly agree that yes it does hurt to go from being close to totally insignificant but you can’t change people, you have to either accept them as they are and/or start living life without them.

Just a thought….

Am I right? or am I a total pushover? Many have called me a total pushover!

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

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