The Strangest Thing…

The most strangest thing happened to me today on my way to work. It overwhelmed me and I still feel a slight after shock of it. It’s the attention I found to be a bit too much.

On my way to work I was at the train station waiting for my train to arrive when an elderly gentleman approached. He was short and slim, his face looked worn out and tired. It was as if he had been living for centuries and each year of his life was etched in the wrinkles of his face. The gentleman’s eyes were deeply sunk into his face and he worn slimline glasses. A striking feature of him were his eyes; a light colour but clear as day and shiny. The man worn a hat on a head full of grey hair dotted with a few dark strands. His hands shook as he pointed to his destination station and asked which train he needed to catch. I removed my headphones and said it would be the next train arriving at this platform. It just so happened to be the same train as mine. He sat a few seats away from me on the platform bench and asked if I would help him onto the train when it arrived as his vision is impaired. Not a problem at all. We chatted for a while, he asked me where I was from and the languages I spoke and if I was married. The gentleman said he was from Morocco and that he had been living with his children but they had thrown him out and he was now on his way to his brother’s house.

I saw the train arriving and got up to collect my belongings. I informed the frail gentleman that the train was arriving now. He got up slowly which reaching out for my arm. I went and stood to his left and he grabbed my arm tightly. It was only then that I noticed just how frail he was; his hands icy cold on a day where the average temperature in London is 15 degrees celcius. His hands shaking as he held his single crutch in his right arm. He walked slowly towards the train as it pulled up on the platform. We reached the door as it stopped and the doors opened. He hesitated at first to walk through but a light push and words of encouragement got him moving again. It was short-lived though as a young man brushed past the gentleman on his right, knocking the crutch from his hand which fell between the small gap between the train and the platform. It was hanging on by the arm support band. This caused a great deal of distress. The gentleman started panicking, shaking and speaking rapidly and loudly. I realised that the doors were about to close which would have pushed us both into unstable positions. I pulled the emergency cord to prevent this from happening. All the while the gentleman was desperate to get a hold of his single crutch. I spoke slowly and straight to the gentleman to clam him down, I explained that I was there and wouldn’t let go of his arm and that i will get his crutch for him. While speaking to the gentleman, the train driver came out to see what all the commotion was about. I briefly explained and the train driver picked up the crutch and handed it to the gentleman. He grabbed it like his life depended on it. He escorted us to the nearest empty seats and explained that the police would want to speak to us at his destination stop.

During the short journey to his destination, the gentleman explained that he’s going to his brother’s house because he has no money and nowhere else to go, his wife passed away many years ago and he is all alone now. “I feel so alone, I just want a place to stay in my dying days”, he said. I sat in silence while he spoke. We arrived at our destination and as promised by the driver of the train, the police were there waiting for us. There were two officers, a tall built caucasian officer who looked like the lead for the day and a slightly shorter female officer with I helped the elderly man off the train and spoke to the police to explain what had happened. They took my details and the broken details of the man. The police thanked me and shook my hand. “Well done”, they said. No problem I said and went back to my seat. Little did I know that I would receive a round of applause for my behaviour. The whole carriage applauded and this is what truly overwhelmed me.

I don’t think my behaviour was of any particular significance neither was it an act of heroism. I merely assisted an elderly but distressed man. Why is helping someone such a heroic act? As humans this is what we’re suppose to do and how we should be behaving surely? Not all do I realise this and accept too but it saddens me to know that we as humans are too impatient, proud and self-centred to stop and ask or even assist those less fortunate than ourselves. Many people may read this and forget just as quickly so it’s not really for those who won’t be able to understand its more for those who do behave in this manner. My message to you is that keep up the work, you never know when your single moment of assistance to another human will be one which will make a world of difference to them. The difference between life and death even.

Best wishes,
Maahi PM

Hibernation

I’ve gone into what I call Hibernation mode currently. The emotional turmoil and roller coaster rides over everyday life have pushed me into a state of silence. There is so much happening at the moment that it’s getting to the stage where although I know what is wrong and right, I reframe from speaking out. I have often found that secluding myself from the real world and retreating to my own internal systems, I have found peace. Its allowed me to reflect on what can be achieved and what is currently out of control. There’s no point in fighting something that you have very little control over, its tears away the energy that you have for daily living.

A lot of people around me have their own issues and problems to deal with and its amazing how caught up they become with them and lack the ability to see, understand or even accept that often their own issues are much smaller than they believe them to be. Many of them attempt to control situations and people yet they don’t seem to understand that nothing can really be controlled, its our own attitude that gives us the sense of control and the sense of a lack of control. As humans we fail to understand our own limitations, yet we are quick to judge the limitations of others. There is nothing wrong in admitting you are wrong sometimes or that you have made a mistake or failed, yet the only obstacle that prevents us from expressing this ‘weakness’ is our ego, and of course our pride. Those who are in hibernation like myself often I find have a lot of self-awareness about themselves as well as those around them, however, this is often seen as arrogance and being uptight. Have you looked at their behaviour? Have you listened to their words and their tone of voice? Probably not. The hibernators are often viewed as the quiet ones, the ones without a voice or those who lack the ability to speak out and stand up for what is right fully theirs or an injustice against them.

So what is it about hibernation and hibernators which makes them different? Well, from a personal perspective, hibernators have the ability to be patient in stressful situations. They realise there is no point arguing with an individual that does not wish to understand, this a futile task which will rid both parties of emotional and mental energy. This patience is key; it gives both parties the opportunity to think but who thinks beyond the situation is dependant on who can remain calm and objective. Hibernation give you the real sense of control that people long for so dearly in their daily lives. During the phase of hibernation, I reflect on the situation in which I am in, I take control of all the natural emotions that may have arisen as a direct consequence of my circumstances. The process of taking control of these emotions is often the longest task purely because emotions are so natural and controlling them can be a difficult task, particularly when the circumstances dictate an emotional reaction. During this stage, I don’t dismiss the emotion, it’s not feasible or natural; instead I accept and feel it. To feel means it allows you to be natural, but feelings it doesn’t necessarily mean I express it. This is the nature of hibernation, it allows you the internal space and time to feel some very strong emotions yet be in total control of them. While feeling them I have the ability to put things into perspective, see how they fit the situation, judge if it’s an over reaction, and finally see how well I’ll be able to tame the emotion. Very often our immediate emotional reaction can be just that, emotional and this is perfectly normal as far as I’m concerned and its acceptable to a certain degree; as long as we aren’t physically, emotionally or mentally hurting anyone. Yet it is this emotional reaction that can blind us from reality and prevent us from viewing things in a rational manner. We can end up saying or even doing things which we can later regret and feel guilty for but are powerless to change it. Why allow that situation to occur? Taking control of them works for me, it allows me to give myself the opportunity to explore options through a clear mind. It put me in control of how I manage the situation because my initial reaction can often be incoherent. The self-reflection and the opportunity to cool down and approach it with a calm manner gives me a counter opportunity to approach it with an open mind. There are no situations where I can be 100% ready and I may have the residue of my emotional reaction but nevertheless, at least there is some level of control there that I can manage. Yes, opportunities allow me to grow and they give me the chance to learn new things about life in general as well as about myself because it really does take me outside of my comfort zone. I cannot learn, understand or acquire any form of knowledge without approaching any situation with an open mind. Hibernation is not denying your emotions or feelings or pain and hurt or even your happiness and joy, it’s just being able to stay composed but natural to your own self.

There is no specific time or place for me to hibernate, I can do it anywhere at anytime and the beauty of it I find it that it goes undetected even by those around me. It says a lot about their observation skills. I don’t necessarily need my favourite things around me, music and books helps me of course but very often its just quietness and an inward reflection. It’s also about putting things into perspective and ensuring that I know what my position is and what role I am to play too. I find that sometimes just a 10 minute retreat can help and sometimes a prolonged retreat works just as well. It really is dependant on what the circumstances are. What I do know is that I do need both long and short hibernating periods, and a key to both of these is to listen to by own body and spirit. My body, spirit and heart let me know when its time to hibernate and take a break and over time I have learnt to feel and read the signs and accurately attune myself to them.

It wasn’t so long ago that I found myself in an endless emotional cycle where a particular circumstance has had a great impact on my heart and I have neither been able to retreat or express. I’ve wallowed in self pity instead of work on the emotion and learning from experience. An unproductive task. As I have said previously, there is great difference between feeling a particular emotion and allowing it to overwhelm you to the point of wallowing. I have found that its pointless ignoring or denying a particular feeling, instead the importance lies in understanding it through feeling it and gradually moving through it. Any type of unprocessed feelings become apart of me and this can often lead to bitterness. Unhealthy.

Leading with emotion is not always bad as with most things in life, I have found a good balance is what is really needed. Any situation which dictates a black and white answer often hinders my own development. Life is a varied shade of grey and reasons are often embedded within what happens. It’s up to us to try to look for an answer which is the truth and not just something which suits are needs or desires. Our emotional state does, however dictate how we interpret things which occur in our life. The mere approach can have a totally different outcome. This is down to our choice: if we choose to be ignorant, arrogant and walk the journey of life with an attitude and ego, sooner or later it will catch us out in a situation where we really will feel powerless and out of control. The destination of not only our present situation but our life too is determined entirely by our approach to it. With hibernation, some lessons will come quickly while other will require time and space. Ask yourself, what is your agenda? What is your current state of mind achieving for you? What are your intention and are these intension being portrayed in a clear and honest manner? My life has been and still is full of lots of twists and turns, but its my approach and my attitude which will determine where my next move will be and the consequences of it too. It’s not about being perfect, it’s about accepting that you and other around you have flaws. When we punish ourselves and others for their flaws we deny them the opportunity to be human. We fail in our ability to see and understand human nature and expecting other to conform to our own ideas of behaviour is often an endless pit of suffering, not more so for the opposite person but more so for ourselves. We are the ones who are failing ourselves tremendously.

We must open our minds to our intentions and to the portrayal of these intentions because no matter how pure, if they involve another person, it is for them to decide what is most appropriate for them before us. The more I hibernate, the more I want to understand myself at a deeper level, it forces me to ask myself why I am doing things in a certain manner and the reasons behind it. It forces me to re-evaluate my own agenda and intentions. I’m a key player in my own life, I interact with both internal as well as my external life. It makes my life rich and worthy. I relish in the beauty of it, it has joy and sure there is pain and hurt too but through the pain I have given myself the opportunity to grow and acquire knowledge and experience life for what it really it. It’s an opportunity to pass on the good as well as the bad and most of all, to pass on hope, hope that life really will work our for the best. My expansion in the awareness of who I am and who I am supposed to be shapes my as a person.

For me, 2013 is proving to be very unique, fast, troublesome as well as exciting all at the same time.  But the biggest reminder that all these times are giving me is that I should and will continue to live by my heart. All I have needed to do is open it up, air it out of all the negativity, let the blood pump through it at its steady pace and trust that this is the new direction, a new journey of hope and one full of wonderful experiences and lessons to come.

Best wishes,

Maahi PM

 

Daily Prompt: Million Dollar Question

Why do you blog?

Beautiful question.

Well, I blog because I really enjoy writing. I don’t by no measure call or consider myself a writer of any sort but yes I do enjoy the art of writing. It brings me a freedom to express and sometimes feel things which isn’t present in my daily life. A freedom to express and feel everything that I write about whether it be hope or hurt. It’s unfortunate that in my own personal life I haven’t been heard by those near and dear to me so I found an alternative medium to feel, reflect and express that which is almost forbidden.

Another reason I blog is to share my thoughts, poetry, feelings and experiences. I have learnt a great amount from people around me as well as gained knowledge from my own networking. There are so many writers in the world, some with great skill to create pearls in the forms of sentences and paragraphs. My attempt at writing is to merely add weight to my feelings and experiences. Its a hobbie and I enjoy it immensely.

Can there be any other reason to write?

Best wishes,
Maahi PM

Daily Prompt: The Satisfaction of a List

Who doesn’t love a list? So write one! Top five slices of pizza in your town, ten reasons disco will never die, the three secrets to happiness — go silly or go deep, just go list-y.

Oh this is a good daily prompt for me, I love making lists, I like the satisfaction of ticking things off when they have been completed. For my regular followers, you’ll know already that I have a BUCKET LIST post already which I am ticking off slowly but surely. Here I share with you some of my most interesting lists. Hope you like them.

Top 10 fruits: I’m a bit of a fruitaholic and I try to eat a variety of fruits of a daily basis. Here are my top 10 for you.

  1. Mangoes
  2. Papaya
  3. Avocado
  4. Pineapple
  5. Blueberry
  6. Kiwi
  7. Honeydew Melon
  8. Banana
  9. Peaches
  10. Red grapes

Warm list: This is a list of things which make me feel warm and comfortable. These are the small things in life which bring an extra bit of comfort and allows one to feel satisfied with life in general.

  1. Wind blowing in my face
  2. Gardening
  3. Cooking
  4. Bubbles
  5. Music
  6. A hug
  7. A message of love or thanks

Lunch list: This is a list of my lunches for this week at least. This list varies all the time from being really healthy to being a little unhealthy at times. None the less it keeps me satisfied.

Monday: Fruit salad (a mixture of kiwi, melon, blueberry and papaya with a bit of lime juice)

Tuesday: Garlic and herb cream cheese bagel with spinach, cucumber, tomatoes and shredded carrot; fruit yogurt, an apple and water.

Wednesday: Pasta salad (basil and garlic pesto, with spinach, sweetcorn, black olives and green chillies); fruit yogurt and fruit juice.

Thursday: Soup with wholemeal rolls; a banana, satsuma and an apple with water.

Friday: Jacket potato with butter, beans and cheese; crisps and fruit juice.

Saturday: Wholemeal houmous wrap with peppers, green chillies, spinach and black olives with fruit juice.

Sunday: Home made minestrone soup with honied yogurt and fruit juice.

My want list: Ok, I don’t usually state what I want to anyone but in this next list I explicitly list all that I want.

  1. My loving husband by my side for the rest of my life and beyond
  2. A house we can call our home
  3. Children either 2 or 4
  4. A 1 carat diamond eternity ring (yes I know, the girl in me does exist!)
  5. This particular list is likely to have things added to it. Anyway, that’s me and my lists for ya!

    Best wishes
    Maahi PM