We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
We must remember that beyond the horizon of the so called impossible is infinite possibility.
We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
We must remember that beyond the horizon of the so called impossible is infinite possibility.
A day without her – Fun
A week without her – Tiring
A month without her – Sad
A year without her – Lonely
A life without her – Curse
A few short stories in relation to today’s daily prompt. Somewhere hidden within the text is a sense of something being gone or lost. I find that the word gone itself is very empty with little to offer in terms of emotion.
The Wi-Fi was fine and good
It was I who had no connections left
“You really mean the world to be my darling!”
This was the birthday text that was sent.
Blue ticks. It’s been read. No reply.
The heart sank. I understood, someone else has taken the place.
Somewhere between yesterday’s shadow and
Somewhere between tomorrow’s insecurities
We end up ruining today’a happiness.
Sooner or later,
We all come to realise that being a
Child was the best thing ever.
“Can you live without him?” her friend asked.
“No, but I would rather let him fly than break his wings.”
They both cried endlessly.
One had to forget and move on,
The other regretted letting go.
Somewhere between parents expectations and
Society’s interference, dreams died.
Take me back in time when people and emotions were real.
Take me to my childhood….
Somewhere between “I want to grow up” and
“I want to be a child again”, Life happened.
You want to smile, but you are crying
You are sad, but you want to be happy
You are quiet, but you want to talk
You say you are OK, but you are lying
You stay strong, but you are broken inside
You are afraid, but you do not admit it
You are surrounded by people, but you are alone
You are breathing, but inside you are dead
You talk about feelings, but inside you are empty
You sleep, but you are still tired
You are calm, but inside you are raging
You are everything you do not show
Happy New Year! So the year 2017 is now in full swing across the entire world with so many people making ambitious new years resolutions and plans to make the year ahead that little bit better, that little bit productive and that little bit more worth while.
So what are my plans? Well, I can not say that I have made any such resolutions but more of a real effort to focus on what is important to me. The last few years of my life have been what I call a train wreak and I have just been dragging through it without much thought for the consequences for myself let alone other people. It was strange because every year New Years Day is just another day for me and I pretty much feel indifferent about it. Yet this year, I felt a deeper, more required need for a change, concentration on myself and focus. The change is more required towards a better beginning, rather than a new beginning as such. The past year does not just disappear for people, no matter how much they would wish it to. I wish to concentrate on my goals and dreams which I feel have taken a back bench for a long while and have been severely neglected. I feel a sense of anxiety and excitement all at once and almost an urgency to get going and make my life better for myself first before thinking about making the lives of others better.
So here is my small cloud of ideas to make my year a better more productive one:
I am thankful for what I have been give over the last few years, both the good and bad. The good and maintained my faith in humanity and the bad has been a rude awakening that standing up for myself and thinking about myself is just as important, if not more important.
What does the new year mean for you?
I wish you all the very best. Remember to never give up, there is always a new chance to try again.
With all my love and best wishes to all,
1. The little things that make us happy, the little things which make us feel loved, cared for, respected and appreciated always seem little at the time, but as the years pass, you will realise that they are what make up the very essence and beauty of your relationship.
2. Love has and will always remain to be a risk and gamble. You may know a person very closely and be very comfortable with them but none of us can ever be 100% sure as none or us can predict the future.
3. It’s more important that everyday you are able to consciously choose your partner to be your partner rather that just blaming it or putting it down merely on fate or simply stating that you were “meant to be.” It would be foolish to think or believe that you just floated passively into the relationship; you, like your partner were equal in choosing to take the steps to develop a relationship with each other so you are equally responsible.
4. Relationships, and by that I mean any relationships are bloody hard work and we all know it. Sometimes, you will become frustrated and you’re going to think that shutting down, bringing up the brick wall and emotionally removing yourself from the problem and quite possibly from the relationship temporarily is the wise and mature thing to do.
5. However, hiding or suppressing your feelings, bringing up that wall and closing yourself off from your partner is just as hurtful to them and harmful to your relationship as it is lashing out or yelling. The behaviour creates unnecessary uncertainty and animosity. Sometimes, it can be more detrimental to withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and your partner and the damage can be irreversible.
6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.
7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.
8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.
9. A lasting, meaningful and long term relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling or affair, but it is much more likely to provide lasting happiness and contentment.
10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way. Its the kind of crazy where you wish you could make use of a club and a spade, oh and you just have to accept that its totally normal.
11. Physical attraction is critical but you have to remember everybody gets old and wrinkly. Therefore, attraction should be primarily be based on the persons values and their personality from the onset. This way you both are more likely to become more attractive to each other as you grow old together.
12. Love, roses, attraction affection and relationships are not immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The relationships which last are simply the ones who work out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.
13. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Of course, most of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall and make you scream. What is important is that you love them as a whole person, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal and ‘perfect’ partner (who will never exist).
14. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love and stay in love when it feels as if every part of your life is an effort and a struggle. But as strange as it may sound, in relationships you become much closer when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.
15. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.
16. Harsh as it may sound, you will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But its is not not at all possible to find the real meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can form a part of your life, but they are not the answer to it entirely. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness first before they can share that happiness with you.
17. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work and energy but don’t be under the illusion that this makes your relationship a failure. On the contrary, it makes you both real and human.
Today is International Women’s Day. I dedicate this post to all women in the world but above all to Jyoti Singh, the young woman I will remember as strong, brave and compassionate.
“It is very difficult to understand why in this country [India] so much difference is made between men and women, whereas the Vedanta declares that one and the same conscious Self is present in all beings. You always criticize the women, but say what have you done for their uplift? Writing down Smritis etc., and binding them by hard rules, the men have turned the women into manufacturing machines! If you do not raise the women, who are living embodiment of the Divine Mother, don’t think that you have any other way to rise” – Swami Vivekananda
“If you do not allow one to become a lion, he will become a fox. Women are a power, only now it is more evil because man oppresses woman; she is the fox, but when she is no longer oppressed, she will be the lion.” (CW vol.7,p.22) – Swami Vivekananda
I recently watched a documentary aired by the BBC called India’s Daughter. It tells the horrific story of Jyoti Singh, a medical student who was gang raped in December 2012 by 5 men and a juvenile on a bus in Delhi on her way home with a male friend following a movie. The documentary exposes unspeakable detail of her brutal and humiliating ordeal which can only be described as pure evil and sadly highlights the culture of repression, inequality and violence deeply ingrained not only in India but across many cultures in the world. The documentary by Leslee Udwin features shocking interviews including Jyoti’s parents, one of the convicted rapist, their families and defence lawyers. The prosecution lawyer has not been featured in the documentary.
The documentary highlights a silent revolution of change rising amongst young aspiring women in India who are striving to coexist in a culture which privileges boys and turns a blind eye to the abortion of female foetuses. Yet the film is awash with women of all calibre emphasising the backlash constantly received from their male counterparts. Many state how India is unequipped to cope with a young and fast growing generation of emancipated women, a position brutally confirmed by the defendants’ lawyers. “In our society, we do not allow a girl to leave the house after 6.30pm with an unknown person”, one of the more sober points made by the lawyers. The defence lawyer, A.P Singh in the case was filmed stating “If my daughter or sister engaged in pre-marital activities and disgraced herself and allowed herself to lose face and character by doing such things, I would most certainly take this sort of sister or daughter to my farmhouse, and in front of my entire family, I would put petrol on her and set her alight”. Later, when questioned if he stood by those comments, he insisted that he did. Such comments stress the nature, mindset and culture of the society in which women live across India and across the world.
One of the convicted rapist currently serving a life sentence, Mukesh Singh was interviewed for the documentary. He highlights the chilling attitude towards women within India today, he said in his interview “When being raped, she shouldn’t fight back. She should just be silent and allow the rape. Then they’d have dropped her off after ‘doing her’, and only hit the boy”. He later added, “A girl is far more responsible for rape than a boy; a decent girl won’t roam around at nine o’clock at night; housework and housekeeping is for girls, not roaming in discos and bars at night doing wrong things, wearing wrong clothes”. This rapist demonstrates no regret or any level of understanding of the inconceivable gravity of his barbaric actions. This is perhaps what India has to offer in terms of protection for women and a ‘son’ for India. Such comments send a icy chill down my spin and anger rages within me like a volcano, it is almost unbelievable to hear of such levels of repression towards women and in this case Jyoti being a woman with great potential for achievement. The sheer bravery of the girl fighting back made a mockery of the rapists, something which male’s within such societies do not tolerate. Whether such attitudes and levels of discrimination are taught or learnt is a matter India needs to ask itself. The repetitive notion of India’s sons being the products of poverty, poor education and violence has a narrow gap for conviction; Jyoti Singh, whose background was one of poverty and poor education, proved that despite the many hurdles a ‘woman can do anything’.
The film ignited mass protests and riots throughout India, leading to the demand for changes in attitudes towards women. Little has changed since the heinous attack and the protests and riots have dispersed but Jyoti Singh’s parents live on in unimaginable pain not to say backlash from a male orientated society. The banning of this document by the Indian government may have done more harm than good as it portrays a message of ignorance as well as embarrassment on the part of the Indian government for the illusion it has created of democracy, equality and the development of the country. Can the fourth largest democracy in the world play its part in being a leader when its women receive little justice and protection from its own people? India must retain its core cultural values towards women of respect, equality and protection in order to remain in line with world leaders of the developed world or reap the consequences of being associated with countries where gender equality is unheard of. Surely, the Indian Penal Code 509 (Word, gesture or act intended to insult the modesty of a woman) and of the Information Technology Act 2000 Section 66A (Punishment for sending offensive messages through communication service) are applicable to people like defence lawyer A.P Singh, convicted rapist Mukesh Singh and defence lawyer M.L Sharma and is a starting point for India in its move towards gender equality?
The documentary merely hints at the roots of the problem of gender inequality and gender violence. Furthermore, the documentary depicts Jyoti Singh in the light of a ‘helpless woman’ rather than her true humble self. Jyoti Singh was a fierce, upstanding and compassionate citizen of Delhi with a promising future in medicine. She carried a fearless character and rose up against her perpetrators who would eventually robbed her of her life purely because she would not be dictated to or tolerate bullying. Jyoti Singh was a woman of conviction, she was a self made person and pitifully India cannot claim to have played any hand in developing this young 23 year old into the woman she was. Despite ‘India’ and the many obstacles placed in the paths of women like Jyoti, they strive to success and make a name for themselves. What did India give Jyoti Singh? Certainly not a society which respected, encouraged or developed her. Certainly not an education for which her family were not compelled to sacrifice their life savings. And certainly not a mode of safe transport home following a movie with a friend. The bravery of Jyoti’s parents is worthy of nothing less than an applaud. They spoke of their beautiful daughter with pride and joy and spoke of their daughter by name, defying the cultural norms of society who chose to call her Nirbhaya – under the context of protecting her identity as if she had something to hide away from or feel shame for.
It would be a gross injustice to India to proclaim it consists entirely of rapists. It does not. However, more that 75% of Indian women are subjected to domestic violence, most of which go unreported. What price will India pay for accepting this fact? There are rapists all over the world of course, yet this cannot and certainly does not alter or lessen India’s issue of gender violence and inequality. The banning of the documentary in India only highlights the issues further and sheds light on the notorious nature of India to shy away from controversial and incriminating domestic problems. India is A.P Singh, the defence lawyer standing by his narrow minded statement. India is the government concerned about the possible backlash, embarrassment and tainting of its image in the international community through the depiction of a brutal truth of Jyoti Singh rape and murder. India in M.L Sharma whose slimy description of women is contradicted by his one sentence “We have the best culture. In our culture, there is no space for a woman”. India is the police officer congratulating his team of officers and himself on the capture of the culprits and provides a false guarantee of Delhi being safe once again “even for women”. India is the men and women encouraging the betterment of the sons of India under the notion of him being the heir of the family at the cost of many innoccent women and girls. India is the many elderly men and women living in poverty or in ashrams while their sons live in mansions and bungalows. India most certainly not Jyoti Singh.
“All the darkness in the universe cannot extinguish the light of a single flame. As long as we believe in ourselves, we will keep this flame alight.” – The Inflectionist
Oh, Valentine’s Day. It is that time of year again when love is in the air where couples of all orientations express their undying affection for one another through PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) and a showering of lavish gifts in the unmistakable colour of RED.
As with a flip of a coin, there’s another side to this day. For each love struck romantic looking to put their love on the line, there is the cringe faced eye-rolling cynic denouncing the holiday as a gimmick. It is individuals such as these whom Valentine’s Day equates to nothing more than Hallmark, Clinton’s and other cards sellers racking in a handsome share of profits from the sale of cards and other related products. And, let’s face it, those of us who have been unlucky enough to have been stung by rejection or have found ourselves surrounded by friends searching for opportunities to lip lock have most certainly felt the wrenching sensation whenever Valentine’s Day creeps up.
So how should you deal with Valentine’s Day?
Well, if you’re single, avoid feeling pressured to conform to societies norms of being romantically involved with another. It’s just 14th Feb, another day in the year which just so happens to be the day when many around you have made plans to shower undying love on their significant other. If this bothers you then make plans of your own; go watch a movie, cook something special for yourself or even treat yourself to something expensive. Although it is much more socially acceptable to be single in society, we find Valentine’s Day a struggle in a society of fixed ideas; just take a browse around the high street shops. The soft toys, cards and other tokens of undying affection are reserved primarily for the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife and husband. Might I remind the profiteering card companies of the many bloodline relatives in existence; parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and extended family. Buy your parents and grandparents flowers because everyone seems to forget that old people get lonely easily, especially around the holidays and they need to be reminded that they’re loved too.
As for those of you who are in the early stages of a new relationship, no Valentine’s Day this year folks. We all know that its hard enough getting to know another person without the added burden of having to deal with international love day. Take the opportunity to find activities which do not involve Valentine’s Day; volunteer at a day centre for the elderly or with children, take up a course or spend it with your single friends.
Now, for those of you seeing someone you actually like or in the early stages of a real relationship: make a real effort. Gentleman, make an effort!! Ladies, show some affection too!! Guys, at least purchase a card for your sweetheart and say nice things to her about your feelings towards her and make her feel special and pampered. Although, ideally we should all be expressing such affections daily but today make an effort, go the extra mile. Offer to prepare a meal but avoid the bare minimum sustenance meals which you would ordinarily only prepare for yourself. Ensure to set the table, use a clean table-cloth and importantly buy some flowers and good quality chocolate. I cannot stress the next point enough: TURN OFF YOUR MOBILES, LAPTOPS AND TVs!!! Today is about your sweetheart and you no matter how long or short your relationship has been. Also, try to avoid clichés today unless your sweetheart is into such things. Demonstrate that you pay attention to your partner’s particular interests and desires by planning something that is geared for your partner’s particular tastes. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how far the smallest display of genuine effort and affection can stretch to. And if you are not sure, it maybe a good idea to discuss and plan the celebration you might like together; a night out or a nice intimate time or an adventurous day. This will take the pressure off the day by removing judgements and avoid disappointments through expectations.
Enjoy your Valentine’s Day whatever you do and remember to love yourself because that’s the most important.
I love you!!
If you’re not getting the love you’re giving then you’re loving the wrong person. If you’re getting more love than you’re giving then you’re about to lose that person. Know where you stand and make adjustments.
I love my life and I love myself. I am happy within my own skin and I know very few people who can say this without either flinching or avoiding the question. In my line of work I see so many patients who really are quite disturbed by their actual self and cannot function without negativity in almost every sentence they say. There’s the anxiety of becoming old and losing the full functionality of their body as well as their minds. Then there’s the chronic fear of loneliness, abandonment and isolation from friends and family who either live further afield or have passed away due to ill-health. The loss importance is another theme that often arises in conversation. Many of my old dear patients feel so unimportant despite their knowledge and vast life experience. They couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, a large part of my life has been built on the foundations of having acquaintance with people who are often 20-30 years older than me at least. However, society really does not have any space for them or any useful and meaningful role which they can continue to play and live a more fulfilling and satisfying quality of life. It’s a sad situation and a real loss for society despite the abundance of this resource of knowledge and experience.
It’s not just the elderly that feel this way, its younger adults too. I witnessed something today which is not only rare but also dangerous. A senior member of staff and a psychiatrist argued like children to the point where the entire situation became toxic. It ended with the psychiatrist storming out in tears accusing the other member of staff of assault. Did the assault occur? I honestly don’t know and my view was blocked therefore I couldn’t see. Personally however, I really don’t believe my colleague was or even is capable of assaulting anyone. The psychiatrist really felt threatened by the behaviour and attitude of senior member of staff. This threat I believe was fuelled by her underlying issues, her vulnerability rather than the behaviour of the senior member of staff actually behaving in a threatening manner. She screams and leaves the office. Emotions were really running very high and my head was spinning from all the negativity in the room. I went after the psychiatrist who was now more vulnerable than I had ever seen since her arrival to the team almost three weeks ago. I followed her because no one ran after me when I felt threatened or vulnerable. She wears a happy-go-lucky attitude, a smile plastered on her face almost too easily, laughing and joking with the team. Her work ethic is strong, she oozes knowledge and expertise and completing clinical practice diligently with patient care at the centre of her practice. Yet this is an individual who is extremely vulnerable. The positive suit she wears is fake, behind which she carries a great deal of pain, hurt and damage. A heartbreaking observation to see her pathetic attempts at trying to win the acceptance of her colleagues and the only means by which she feels she can achieve this is put across a front which is so transparent. The psychiatrists position does not reflect her inner state of mind, one which is of chaos and confusion. She returned to the office composing herself.
Everyone is fighting their own battle, in one way of another yet we are just unable to see it because we are so engrossed in our own battles. This self-consuming disease of distress and pain has driven us to become ignorant of those around us. We have financial issues, family issues, personal identity issues to name but a few. We become so engrossed in the struggle to get something me we want to have become complacent. No one wishes to maintain an acceptable level of control over their emotions and fight their own battles privately perhaps due to a lack of knowledge on how to or the mere fact that the emotions are overwhelming.
As humans, if we are all carrying such negativity and stress around with us then what would make it easier for us? What is the one thing that would change the way you feel at one particular moment. The psychiatrist said to me she was grateful that I had come after her to encourage her to come back into the office. Another has said thank you for just being there while she just swears and screams. Another just wanting a hand while she has a panic attack. There was no judgment, there was no back biting and no break of trust. I was just there and such incidents don’t come up again in conversation, particularly from my side. I have come to realise that allowing someone to just vent their feelings at one particular point is so important and so vital to the individuals mental well-being.
Why are we so afraid of our emotions? We know how they feel when we feel them, so why do we ignore them when others around us feel the same?