Tough Love

1. The little things that make us happy, the little things which make us feel loved, cared for, respected and appreciated always seem little at the time, but as the years pass, you will realise that they are what make up the very essence and beauty of your relationship.

2. Love has and will always remain to be a risk and gamble. You may know a person very closely and be very comfortable with them but none of us can ever be 100% sure as none or us can predict the future.

3. It’s more important that everyday you are able to consciously choose your partner to be your partner rather that just blaming it or putting it down merely on fate or simply stating that you were “meant to be.” It would be foolish to think or believe that you just floated passively into the relationship; you, like your partner were equal in choosing to take the steps to develop a relationship with each other so you are equally responsible.

4. Relationships, and by that I mean any relationships are bloody hard work and we all know it. Sometimes, you will become frustrated and you’re going to think that shutting down, bringing up the brick wall and emotionally removing yourself from the problem and quite possibly from the relationship temporarily is the wise and mature thing to do.

5. However, hiding or suppressing your feelings, bringing up that wall and closing yourself off from your partner is just as hurtful to them and harmful to your relationship as it is lashing out or yelling. The behaviour creates unnecessary uncertainty and animosity. Sometimes, it can be more detrimental to withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and your partner and the damage can be irreversible.

6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.

7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.

8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.

9. A lasting, meaningful and long term relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling or affair, but it is much more likely to provide lasting happiness and contentment.

10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way. Its the kind of crazy where you wish you could make use of a club and a spade, oh and you just have to accept that its totally normal.

11. Physical attraction is critical but you have to remember everybody gets old and wrinkly. Therefore, attraction should be primarily be based on the persons values and their personality from the onset. This way you both are more likely to become more attractive to each other as you grow old together.

12. Love, roses, attraction affection and relationships are not immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The relationships which last are simply the ones who work out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.

13. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Of course, most of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall and make you scream. What is important is that you love them as a whole person, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal and ‘perfect’ partner (who will never exist).

14. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love and stay in love when it feels as if every part of your life is an effort and a struggle. But as strange as it may sound, in relationships you become much closer when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.

15. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.

16. Harsh as it may sound, you will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But its is not not at all possible to find the real meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can form a part of your life, but they are not the answer to it entirely. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness first before they can share that happiness with you.

17. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work and energy but don’t be under the illusion that this makes your relationship a failure. On the contrary, it makes you both real and human.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

Freedom

Freedom
She is seated on a park bench,
Her breathing: shallow and rapid
Her body: shivering with anger,
Hot droplets of sweat dripping from her brow,
Thoughts come at the speed of lightning.

Happiness now a faint memory of feelings which no longer exist,
Replaced instead with a turbulent struggling soul,
Tears streaming, war raging yet still surviving.

Her vision blurred, her objective set,
Anticipation no longer distracting her,
A momentary clam, a release,
Stillness.

Unleashed is the frustration
Unleashed is the pain
Unleashed is the anger

The warmth is calming
It is comforting and silent
She is smiling
Freedom

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

Truth Alone Prevails

To tell a lie takes guts
The confidence that you’ll never be caught or a time won’t come where you’re forced to tell the truth
The illusion that it’s a small lie, it won’t hurt anyone
The mask of power and control blinding you from reality
You replace truth with silence; this silence is your lie
To own up to lying takes all amounts of energy and strength
It was your silence which told the cruellest lie
Now you must face the audience with the fear of rejection, wrath, hatred and disgust
Fear of anger against your lies, an anger which could last forever
The realisation of the magnitude of implications the lie has caused
The viewing of pain caused by you in others
Observing the person falls apart so easily when all along they had been held together with lies
The broken trust, oh what a tangled web you have woven in your practice to deceive!
Your truth has no concern for the persons comfort, it is raw and uneasy

We have all been at the receiving end of lies during some point in our lives. Some more so than others, some by loved ones, some by strangers. The ones we consider close or special have often been amongst the first to deceive us with their lies and deception.

I hate lies and I can’t stand liars. Probably no one can. Lies make me feel very low, exposed and deeply disrespected. The very act of lying denies not only you of respect for yourself, but also for the liar and for the world in which you live. It’s entirely depressing and painful to believe that the people close to us, our so-called family, friends, colleagues, as well as the endless number of deceitful politicians and public servants you’re forced to choose between at elections are in one way or another less than genuine whose primary concern is their own needs and desires. The number of people who have lied to me is beyond my own comprehension; nevertheless each and every time has left me feeling foolish and vulnerable. In my case, I trust people to a certain extent by default but should this trust be broken without a legitimate reason, I have found it extremely difficult and have been reluctant to trust that individual again. I have no qualms with the truth, no matter how painful or difficult it maybe, at provides me with an avenue to work with, an opportunity to provide a solution and in some cases accept that I am powerless to influence the circumstances to my favour. Surely this is not too much to ask? Unfortunately, it appears to be a rather too much to ask of today’s society where lies are slowly but surely becoming a mainstream occurrence.

What are the consequences for people living in a society where everyone; from those in power to ordinary citizens lying, stealing, cheating and deceiving? The consequences are monstrous, we end up breeding a generation that has been conditioned to lying; a fertile foundation for greed, selfishness, and utter disregard for the fellow human being. Furthermore, lying itself causes inequalities, harms relationships and wastes precious time and energy. On occasions, I have observed individuals sharing only part or ‘half-truths’, yet the part they choose to omit and neglect to share is often the most significant element. This is just as bad as lying. But let us not entirely knock this lying individual as many people (myself included) hide the truth because they’re afraid to reveal the truth, hurt the feelings of another and cause what at the time would be seen as unnecessary trouble. This fear can also be of rejection, or hurt or pain to oneself or to the opposite person resulting in guilt or regret. Nonetheless, I do believe that lying is lying; nothing can change a lie or the consequences of a lie. Sooner or later the truth does come out, it is revealed. I say that if we have to hold our tongues for a short period of time to avoid confrontation then so be it but ensure this period of time is as short as circumstantially viable. Strangely enough however, we reside in a society where lying and lies have become a cultural norm, almost like second nature almost; bringing with it an illusion of pleasure and comfort. And further to this, humans like you and I are very much inclined to be drawn into such lies too. Yet, for individuals who display a love for the truth and commitment to it are seldom appreciated or accepted and have often fallen victim to various forms of unnecessary punishment.

It is common knowledge that lying has a detrimental impact upon our personal and professional relationships. Individuals who have fallen victim to lies very often experience feelings of betrayal, angry, hurt, and utter disappointment. Many feel morally blemished by the perpetrators lies which in many cases can lead to people developing beliefs that any form of closeness to others can or may lead to pain and rejection and must be avoided. There may not be a more destructive manner in which to distance yourself from the possibility of intimacy than to push away the ones that love you. As human beings, because the frequency at we are lied to is high, it commonly results in us becoming somewhat over sensitive to even the smallest white lie and ultimately it’s about one feeling: it hurts.

Equally its fair to argue that we all lie at one point or another during our lives, on occasions for legitimate reasons to protect or prevent adverse circumstances and on other occasions for more selfish desires. Unfortunately, as it has become a mainstream element of our society to lie for selfish desires rather than to protect an individual, it is difficult to distinguish between those who are genuine and those who are not. Many say lying is a necessary evil, I don’t entirely agree. Is it at all possible to reside in a society where total honesty prevails? I believe so yes and although this may appear a rather idealistic concept, I truly do believe it’s one which has the power to make society a better place. Many conversations would flow easier, less time would be wasted, more money would be saved and of course, fewer hearts would be broken.

There is incredible beauty in the truth which is spoken kindly, humbly and compassionately, even if this truth is painful. Those individuals, who lie, cause upheaval in the lives of individuals, their families, friends and loved ones and force individuals to view life in a manner which looks appealing to the lazy one, miraculous to the ignorant, and empowering to the weak one. Contrary to this illusion, lies which we tell and lie which we fall victim to only strengthen our weaknesses. Such lies do not provide us with meaningful knowledge, assist in any way, or fix or cure anything. Neither do such lies develop one’s personality and character, one’s intellectual or emotional mind, one’s heart or one’s own soul. This makes truth to be a very risky proposition and it is the essence of average and mediocre minds to believe that lies are necessary in society with a purpose to serve, where truth itself is revolutionary, that candour is highly hazardous and that life itself is built on and sustained by lies.

For me, being true to myself, with honesty and integrity is a way of life.

Truth alone prevails

Take care & best wishes,
Maahi PM