A reason to live 

The only reason I choose to stay alive is so my family doesn’t live with the devastation of my suicide. My pain is not more than the life long pain they would live with. 

Best wishes, 

Maahi PM 

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Daily Prompt: Infinite

Via Daily Prompt: Infinite

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
We must remember that beyond the horizon of the so called impossible is infinite possibility.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

A Day…..

A day without her – Fun

A week without her – Tiring

A month without her – Sad

A year without her – Lonely

A life without her – Curse

 

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

 

Daily Prompt: Gone

Via Daily Prompt: Gone

A few short stories in relation to today’s daily prompt. Somewhere hidden within the text is a sense of something being gone or lost. I find that the word gone itself is very empty with little to offer in terms of emotion.

The Wi-Fi was fine and good 
It was I who had no connections left

“You really mean the world to be my darling!”
This was the birthday text that was sent.
Blue ticks. It’s been read. No reply.
The heart sank. I understood, someone else has taken the place. 

Somewhere between yesterday’s shadow and 
Somewhere between tomorrow’s insecurities 
We end up ruining today’s happiness.

Sooner or later, 
We all come to realise that being a 
Child was the best thing ever.

“Can you live without him?” her friend asked.
“No, but I would rather let him fly than break his wings.”

They both cried endlessly.
One had to forget and move on, 
The other regretted letting go. 

Somewhere between parents expectations and society’s interference, dreams died. 

Take me back in time when people and emotions were real.
Take me to my childhood….

Somewhere between “I want to grow up” and 
“I want to be a child again”, Life happened.

 

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

Tough Love

1. The little things that make us happy, the little things which make us feel loved, cared for, respected and appreciated always seem little at the time, but as the years pass, you will realise that they are what make up the very essence and beauty of your relationship.

2. Love has and will always remain to be a risk and gamble. You may know a person very closely and be very comfortable with them but none of us can ever be 100% sure as none or us can predict the future.

3. It’s more important that everyday you are able to consciously choose your partner to be your partner rather that just blaming it or putting it down merely on fate or simply stating that you were “meant to be.” It would be foolish to think or believe that you just floated passively into the relationship; you, like your partner were equal in choosing to take the steps to develop a relationship with each other so you are equally responsible.

4. Relationships, and by that I mean any relationships are bloody hard work and we all know it. Sometimes, you will become frustrated and you’re going to think that shutting down, bringing up the brick wall and emotionally removing yourself from the problem and quite possibly from the relationship temporarily is the wise and mature thing to do.

5. However, hiding or suppressing your feelings, bringing up that wall and closing yourself off from your partner is just as hurtful to them and harmful to your relationship as it is lashing out or yelling. The behaviour creates unnecessary uncertainty and animosity. Sometimes, it can be more detrimental to withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and your partner and the damage can be irreversible.

6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.

7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.

8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.

9. A lasting, meaningful and long term relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling or affair, but it is much more likely to provide lasting happiness and contentment.

10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way. Its the kind of crazy where you wish you could make use of a club and a spade, oh and you just have to accept that its totally normal.

11. Physical attraction is critical but you have to remember everybody gets old and wrinkly. Therefore, attraction should be primarily be based on the persons values and their personality from the onset. This way you both are more likely to become more attractive to each other as you grow old together.

12. Love, roses, attraction affection and relationships are not immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The relationships which last are simply the ones who work out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.

13. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Of course, most of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall and make you scream. What is important is that you love them as a whole person, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal and ‘perfect’ partner (who will never exist).

14. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love and stay in love when it feels as if every part of your life is an effort and a struggle. But as strange as it may sound, in relationships you become much closer when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.

15. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.

16. Harsh as it may sound, you will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But its is not not at all possible to find the real meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can form a part of your life, but they are not the answer to it entirely. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness first before they can share that happiness with you.

17. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work and energy but don’t be under the illusion that this makes your relationship a failure. On the contrary, it makes you both real and human.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

A Mother’s Love

A Mother’s Love 
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears. 
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we’ve dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real. 
There are times when only a Mother’s faith
Can help us on life’s way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day. 
For a Mother’s heart and a Mother’s faith
And a Mother’s steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above. 

Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mum. I love you with all I am today and all I will be.

St Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Hearts

Oh, Valentine’s Day. It is that time of year again when love is in the air where couples of all orientations express their undying affection for one another through PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) and a showering of lavish gifts in the unmistakable colour of RED.

As with a flip of a coin, there’s another side to this day. For each love struck romantic looking to put their love on the line, there is the cringe faced eye-rolling cynic denouncing the holiday as a gimmick. It is individuals such as these whom Valentine’s Day equates to nothing more than Hallmark, Clinton’s and other cards sellers racking in a handsome share of profits from the sale of cards and other related products. And, let’s face it, those of us who have been unlucky enough to have been stung by rejection or have found ourselves surrounded by friends searching for opportunities to lip lock have most certainly felt the wrenching sensation whenever Valentine’s Day creeps up.

So how should you deal with Valentine’s Day?

Well, if you’re single, avoid feeling pressured to conform to societies norms of being romantically involved with another. It’s just 14th Feb, another day in the year which just so happens to be the day when many around you have made plans to shower undying love on their significant other. If this bothers you then make plans of your own; go watch a movie, cook something special for yourself or even treat yourself to something expensive. Although it is much more socially acceptable to be single in society, we find Valentine’s Day a struggle in a society of fixed ideas; just take a browse around the high street shops. The soft toys, cards and other tokens of undying affection are reserved primarily for the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife and husband. Might I remind the profiteering card companies of the many bloodline relatives in existence; parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and extended family. Buy your parents and grandparents flowers because everyone seems to forget that old people get lonely easily, especially around the holidays and they need to be reminded that they’re loved too.

As for those of you who are in the early stages of a new relationship, no Valentine’s Day this year folks. We all know that its hard enough getting to know another person without the added burden of having to deal with international love day. Take the opportunity to find activities which do not involve Valentine’s Day; volunteer at a day centre for the elderly or with children, take up a course or spend it with your single friends.

Now, for those of you seeing someone you actually like or in the early stages of a real relationship: make a real effort. Gentleman, make an effort!! Ladies, show some affection too!! Guys, at least purchase a card for your sweetheart and say nice things to her about your feelings towards her and make her feel special and pampered. Although, ideally we should all be expressing such affections daily but today make an effort, go the extra mile. Offer to prepare a meal but avoid the bare minimum sustenance meals which you would ordinarily only prepare for yourself. Ensure to set the table, use a clean table-cloth and importantly buy some flowers and good quality chocolate. I cannot stress the next point enough: TURN OFF YOUR MOBILES, LAPTOPS AND TVs!!! Today is about your sweetheart and you no matter how long or short your relationship has been. Also, try to avoid clichés today unless your sweetheart is into such things. Demonstrate that you pay attention to your partner’s particular interests and desires by planning something that is geared for your partner’s particular tastes. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how far the smallest display of genuine effort and affection can stretch to. And if you are not sure, it maybe a good idea to discuss and plan the celebration you might like together; a night out or a nice intimate time or an adventurous day. This will take the pressure off the day by removing judgements and avoid disappointments through expectations.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day whatever you do and remember to love yourself because that’s the most important.

I love you!!

Best Wishes
Maahi PM

A Message

A messages has arrived;
It troubles me
A letter has come
It asks,
When will you return home?
Write to me, oh my loved one, when will you come home?
For without you, this home is soulless, empty

A lover, a lady has written a letter,
When is you return home?
For this home is empty, lifeless without you
They all ask, when will you return home?
The scented dawns, the riotous evenings,
The lonely nights, the flowers in her hair,
The incomplete words, the yearning embraces,
and the longing glances have all asked
When shall you return?
for without you this home is empty, lifeless without you.

A messages has arrived;
It troubles me
A letter has come
It asks,
When will you return home?
Write to me, oh my loved one, when will you come home?
For without you, this home is soulless, empty

The lover writes;
The towns, the shadows of the willow trees,
The old park bench, the rain showering down,
The fields of poppy, the town squares,
The ocher climbers, the twisting vines,
The rocking swings, the swaying flowers,
The bursting blossoms, and the lanes of the towns ask
When shall you return?
for without you this home is empty, lifeless without you.

The message has arrived,
Written with love in her eyes, words burstings with affection, with sentiment.
A tenderness, a warmth, a concern, a passion,
Sometimes Outwardly in anger, sometimes inwardly in love
In every word my lover asks,
When will you return home?
Write to me, oh my loved one, when will you come home?
For without you, this home is soulless, empty

Oh passing wind, in your arms carry my embrace to my lover
Quicken to my town, where the twisting vines await,
Quicken to my town with the swaying flowers,
Quicken to my lane with the shadows of the willows tress call out,
Quicken to my lane where by beloved resides
Give embrace to her, give her my love, give her my touch.
Tell her I love her so
Tell her I shall return one day

Memory

Regrets, I’ve had a few

What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

Regrets. We all have them and they play an aspect in shaping our lives. I’m no different. I have some and they often put me in situations that I could avoid. One of my biggest regrets is that I am emotional and, without sounding too self-proclaiming, I’m too nice. There have been times where I have not stood up for myself as much as I should have which has resulted in me often being used and abused. It left me feeling empty and worthless for a while but I still continued. If I had stood firmly on my own two feet and not worry about acceptance and fitting in I think my younger life would most definitely have been happier and easier.

Even now, II do feel that I am a bit of a push over and regret that but there is much more of a better understanding of it, I can almost justify it to myself in a more logical manner, in a more acceptable manner. So I am just covering up and justifying certain behaviours and continuing the same behaviour? Well, no. I know my limits now, I have set my boundaries to protect myself and I myself recognise my limits. When I have not stood up for myself I have often lost out on things I actually deserve and at a later date this has come back to bite me. There would most definitely have been different friends, a different job, a different marriage and a more desirable outcome. It’s all been in aid of being accepted and wanted, which are basic and natural needs of humans. However, I’ve learnt the hard way that pushing something that is not worth pushing is not always a good idea.

My biggest regret is not going for and waiting for what I deserve and in the end it has made me unhappy at times but the concept of being alone and unaccepted was too strong at the time that I was blinded by a desperation. But I’ve grown up now, and quickly too. I’ve learnt what I deserve and I’m now going after it, even if it means leaving a few people whom I do love behind.

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

 

The Importance of Family

“Call it a clan, call it a network, call it a tribe, call it a family: Whatever you call it, whoever you are, you need one.” – Jane Howard

I’m in the middle of a busy period in my family: Weddings. Each week its somebody’s wedding or engagement and one thing or the other is going on which is leaving me with very little time to upload something that I have written. Most of my blogs I start at least a couple of days in advance in order for them to be ready to go live on dates I have set but wedding season has delayed this schedule slightly. Nevertheless, the fairy tale wedding season has actually forced me to think more about the importance of family in my life.

I come from an Asian Indian background, and for me, family is the core element of my roots and foundation; it really does mean everything to me. If it wasn’t for my immediate and some extended family, I would most certainly be lost and I sincerely believe that I would not be the person I am today. As I look back in time, it is clear to me  how significant my family has been in all aspects of my life. My upbringing, the values, principles and faith instilled in me and the moral’s I was taught define me; my family environment has become an integral part of my identity.

An individual’s immediate family lays down the foundation for their personality and the majority of our behaviour is heavily influenced by their family life. Psychologists have strongly argued that children and young adults acquire the greatest amount of knowledge and life skills from their family life which has a direct and lifelong effect on the individual’s personality. Throughout their development, children are usually closest to their parents/primary caregivers and siblings than anyone else in the world. As children and young adults grow and develop, they form friendships, work with colleagues, get married and also have their own children with whom they begin to share their lives with. It is through time that these changes come about; however, the importance of family remains the same. Furthermore, studies indicate that children reared with strong family connections paired with a foundation of good education, values and ideals have been reported to lead much healthier and happier lives. Therefore, the importance of a family unit cannot be denied.

Luckily for me, I have been brought up with best of both worlds where I have been able to combine my own Asian Indian heritage with the Western culture. As a multi-cultured person, I have often been forced to waver on the edge of both Western and Eastern cultures, where on occasions I have been on either side of the often very fine demarcation line. Yet, through my development as a somewhat independent individual, I have come to realise that my family relationships and family values have contributed considerably towards the nature of who I am today. The strength, perseverance, courage and security have come directly from my family unit necessary for future development. Psychological research has demonstrated that adults who have experienced a smooth and well established family bond are generally more successful and display higher levels of confidence in all aspects of their life. In this respect, the family unit remains of utmost importance to initiate, nurture, conserve, and base other relationships on which an individual develops throughout their life.

My upbringing has been in a Western culture where I have very often witnessed family values and relationships not being given the deserving respect and commitment, and furthermore, they are not held as strictly as they are in the East. However, for me it remains in my own heritage to take forward this tradition of family values.

My family provides me with my identity because I am a direct descendant of my parents; my parents are my blood and the primary reason for my existence. However, I am more than a mere biological product of my parents; I am a messenger of my family’s values, principles, beliefs, understandings, fears, thoughts, failures and triumphs. My childhood was spent growing up in their home from where I acquired a great deal in terms of life skills which I’ve implemented throughout my life as I have grown and developed. Some traditions I have modified or ceased using in line with the society and generation to which I belong and have grown up with. My earliest memories of my childhood and my family life, regardless of whether they are pleasant or not are extremely precious to me, they are memories which simply cannot be replaced or erased. They are treasured beyond all other memories and many of them shape and define me today. I have recollections of moments where concepts such as love, acceptance, and understanding have become clear to my naive self and as I look back now I am grateful for these moments as it was these which provided me with comfort, security, and opportunity to grown.

I found a great deal of comfort with my parents, particularly when I experienced trouble at school but it wasn’t until I was a naive teenager that I really began to understand the importance of the many teachings of my family and parents in particular. It was the mere act of stepping away that shaped my identity, personality, nature and solidified my principles and values, while remaining flexible and open to suggestions and change. It not only allowed me to demonstrate my independence but it empowered me with the opportunity to challenge myself based up on my parents and family’s teachings. As a young adult who was very much independent I most certainly appreciated my parents and family considerably more. One finds themselves loving their parents mannerisms so much more and with a sincere feeling of gratitude I thank them for the practical as well as emotional support they provided me with as a child and as I have developed into an adult. I thank them further for educating me to be a strong independent woman with strong family values, compassion, understanding and faith. Furthermore, I thank them for the endless support I know they will continue to provide me throughout my life. As I look forward to the future, I realise that one day I shall also be the same source of strength for them in their old age as they were to me as I grew and developed. It is being this pillar of strength, this reliable point of support and connection with my roots that echoes the essence of my parents and family’s teachings. Family is very important to me.

Now, the last impression I want to give you is that I have had a rosy, almost fairy tale like family life as not only is this simply not true, it does not demonstrate true learning and development. Growing up in a Western culture, with an Asian Indian and Hindu heritage, my family and I very often clashed in our ideas and views. I could never understand why our lifestyles were so different to that of my peers, why we lived a certain and why we did things the way we did. When I wanted to go out with my friends, I found myself asking why could I never be like them? Why did I have to do things so differently too? We had debates about clothes, alcohol, smoking, diet, festivals and celebrations; you name it and there had been a debate or some form of heated argument about it in my family. There have been tears too, from hurtful words and pain to joy and triumph. There have also been moments of complete silence where we have all required the time and space to reflect on the present circumstances to move forward, to rebuild the relationship, to regain the broken trust and overcome disappointments.

However, despite the disagreements and clashes of cultures, I am privileged to have a close relationship with my family. We aren’t all this lucky. People often say that no matter how hard you try, you can never disconnect yourself from your family. A family unit is viewed as an integral part of an individual and the harder and individual attempts to distance themselves, the closer they become. I disagree. If this statement were accurate then why do we have so many elderly nursing and residential homes across the world? Did these parents love their children any less? or was it that the children were unable to care for their frail parents? Why are the numbers of children being abandoned or taken into care increasing each year? Why is the divorce rate growing year by year? For those of us who do maintain a close connection with our families  should consider ourselves privileged purely because if we observe those around us, we may find others less fortunate than us whether it be elderly parents or it be lonesome children. I have witness my father live for almost 28 years separated from his family. The neglect and rejection my father has experienced over the years has had a detrimental effect on his own sense of self-worth and identity. It is on this basis that I am grateful and certainly do not take for granted my family relationships. Family provides the link to our beginning and a guide to our future and I say we must embrace every opportunity we have to remain close to our family’s instead of minimise it.

Family and Self Esteem
“What God is to the world, parents are to their children.” – Philo

At every significant point in our lives, we all require the feeling of ‘belonging’ and to feel accepted by those nearest and dearest to us. This sense of belonging and acceptance is derived from a secure family bond. Family is where our roots take hold and from there we grow and develop; we are shaped within this unit, which prepares us for the world as well as the many experiences to come. Values are taught in childhood are carried forward with us throughout our life. Close family bonds represent a safety net which catch us when we falter and pushes us back up when necessary. It is within these bonds that we find refuge, whether it be a listening far or the practical support when we experience difficulties in life. These family bonds allow us to develop and instil trust and hope for the world around us as well as belief in ourselves and our abilities. We all had small, fun rituals when we were younger, such as bedtime stories, sweet treats, hugs, weekends at theme parks, holidays and meals shared together which provided a sense of warmth, structure and safety that many of us still carry with us today. For me, these small but significant rituals and traditions have created memories, leaving behind a family legacy to cherish for years to come as well as laying the first path in my life – a path which is positive and realistic.

Our spirit, soul and the essence which defines us can either flourish or perish within this family unit, particularly when we do not receive the essential elements of security and the influence of strong family bonds early in life. This can often result in the very foundation being built on emptiness, which one may seek to fill through destructive means instead. If one does not receive love and affection as a child, it is highly likely that they may later seek it through more detrimental ways. Such individuals are likely to display a deep yearning and a hollowness which they experience and which they are looking to fill. This hollowness residing in the heart and soul is often as a direct result of never knowing what it’s like to be loved, accepted and appreciated for ‘being’ apart of a family unit.

This lack of a bond or living in a detached or dysfunctional family or environment have been known to have a detrimental and long-term effects on an individual’s physical as well as their mental health. For example, a destructive cycle can emerge and be repeated when a child has grown up in such an environment. As an adult, this individual is likely to view dysfunctional family bonds as the norm, where unfortunately drugs and alcohol abuse, domestic violence and crime is what they are accustomed to and in turn will seek such situations and people. They are unlikely to easily recognise any healthy relationships and family bonds as this is a foreign concept to them.

The long term effects of living in a dysfunctional environment are not often very obvious. Both children and adults will display a diverse range of behaviours, yet the similarities between them may still be visible. Children and adults may have poor self-image or self-esteem often displayed by them isolating themselves from peers at school, college, work or home. Adults hold negative beliefs regarding themselves and that as an individual they are somewhat inadequate for the society in which they reside. They generally lose confidence in their own abilities, their future and their relationships. Children on the other hand display more subtle behaviours such as shyness, low levels of interaction with peers and adults as well as referring to themselves in a negative manner through demeaning expressions such as ‘I’m stupid, I’ll never learn this’ or ‘what’s the point’. Children and adults may also display signs of holding anger and pain inside.

This level of poor self-esteem affects the individual’s entire life which adversely influences an individual’s ability to make positive choices as well as be close to others. Their own inner tension and feeling of shame can very often lead them behaving adversely, ranging from emotional and physical withdrawal to aggressive and combative outward behaviour. The family is widely seen as an important influence on self-esteem as this is where the initial sense of oneself first begins to form.

As important as family life is, it is rapidly becoming a rare appearance in the world today where the families are breaking down and higher rates of divorce are contributing to an unnecessarily high number of children suffering needlessly. In today’s world, one of the biggest problems we are facing is the growth of independence resulting in the family bond losing its significance and the younger generations missing out on developing vital relationships. Furthermore, in segments of the world, the length of time people are now choosing to spend with their families is decreasing rapidly, all because we are too busy chasing after our careers, money or even to simply make ends meet.Yes, as humans we are social animals and we require company and although we may enjoy solitude on occasions, we cannot prosperor live happily in isolation forever. It is at this point that our family provides us with reasons to laugh, cry, think, express, create and provides reasons to live life.

Our family members are the only network of people who genuinely demonstrate and express true feelings for us and I can most certainly say they remain the only network of people who really care for us. It is our family which keeps us afloat, provide for us without any form of expectation. In today’s society, even our friends have expectations from us, we must call, text, email and even socialise regularly enough to be considered a ‘good’ or ‘real’ friend, but with family, and particularly our parents they don’t ordinarily have these expectations. No doubt they will feel bad and they may even be given good reasons to complaint due to our lack of consideration, yet their love and affection will remain.Always remember that the goodness in you, your nature, your personality and they essence of who you are today is due to your family. It is primarily because of this group of people who you are here today and they will remain the only people in society that you can turn to, even in your darkest hour. You are a part of this unit known as family, be happy that are lucky enough to have a family!

“The strength of a family, like the strength of an army, is in its loyalty to each other.” – Mario Puzo (The Family)
Best Wishes,
Maahi PM