A reason to live 

The only reason I choose to stay alive is so my family doesn’t live with the devastation of my suicide. My pain is not more than the life long pain they would live with. 

Best wishes, 

Maahi PM 

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St Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Hearts

Oh, Valentine’s Day. It is that time of year again when love is in the air where couples of all orientations express their undying affection for one another through PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) and a showering of lavish gifts in the unmistakable colour of RED.

As with a flip of a coin, there’s another side to this day. For each love struck romantic looking to put their love on the line, there is the cringe faced eye-rolling cynic denouncing the holiday as a gimmick. It is individuals such as these whom Valentine’s Day equates to nothing more than Hallmark, Clinton’s and other cards sellers racking in a handsome share of profits from the sale of cards and other related products. And, let’s face it, those of us who have been unlucky enough to have been stung by rejection or have found ourselves surrounded by friends searching for opportunities to lip lock have most certainly felt the wrenching sensation whenever Valentine’s Day creeps up.

So how should you deal with Valentine’s Day?

Well, if you’re single, avoid feeling pressured to conform to societies norms of being romantically involved with another. It’s just 14th Feb, another day in the year which just so happens to be the day when many around you have made plans to shower undying love on their significant other. If this bothers you then make plans of your own; go watch a movie, cook something special for yourself or even treat yourself to something expensive. Although it is much more socially acceptable to be single in society, we find Valentine’s Day a struggle in a society of fixed ideas; just take a browse around the high street shops. The soft toys, cards and other tokens of undying affection are reserved primarily for the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife and husband. Might I remind the profiteering card companies of the many bloodline relatives in existence; parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and extended family. Buy your parents and grandparents flowers because everyone seems to forget that old people get lonely easily, especially around the holidays and they need to be reminded that they’re loved too.

As for those of you who are in the early stages of a new relationship, no Valentine’s Day this year folks. We all know that its hard enough getting to know another person without the added burden of having to deal with international love day. Take the opportunity to find activities which do not involve Valentine’s Day; volunteer at a day centre for the elderly or with children, take up a course or spend it with your single friends.

Now, for those of you seeing someone you actually like or in the early stages of a real relationship: make a real effort. Gentleman, make an effort!! Ladies, show some affection too!! Guys, at least purchase a card for your sweetheart and say nice things to her about your feelings towards her and make her feel special and pampered. Although, ideally we should all be expressing such affections daily but today make an effort, go the extra mile. Offer to prepare a meal but avoid the bare minimum sustenance meals which you would ordinarily only prepare for yourself. Ensure to set the table, use a clean table-cloth and importantly buy some flowers and good quality chocolate. I cannot stress the next point enough: TURN OFF YOUR MOBILES, LAPTOPS AND TVs!!! Today is about your sweetheart and you no matter how long or short your relationship has been. Also, try to avoid clichés today unless your sweetheart is into such things. Demonstrate that you pay attention to your partner’s particular interests and desires by planning something that is geared for your partner’s particular tastes. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how far the smallest display of genuine effort and affection can stretch to. And if you are not sure, it maybe a good idea to discuss and plan the celebration you might like together; a night out or a nice intimate time or an adventurous day. This will take the pressure off the day by removing judgements and avoid disappointments through expectations.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day whatever you do and remember to love yourself because that’s the most important.

I love you!!

Best Wishes
Maahi PM

Emotions

I love my life and I love myself. I am happy within my own skin and I know very few people who can say this without either flinching or avoiding the question. In my line of work I see so many patients who really are quite disturbed by their actual self and cannot function without negativity in almost every sentence they say. There’s the anxiety of becoming old and losing the full functionality of their body as well as their minds. Then there’s the chronic fear of loneliness, abandonment and isolation from friends and family who either live further afield or have passed away due to ill-health. The loss importance is another theme that often arises in conversation. Many of my old dear patients feel so unimportant despite their knowledge and vast life experience. They couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, a large part of my life has been built on the foundations of having acquaintance with people who are often 20-30 years older than me at least. However, society really does not have any space for them or any useful and meaningful role which they can continue to play and live a more fulfilling and satisfying quality of life. It’s a sad situation and a real loss for society despite the abundance of this resource of knowledge and experience.

It’s not just the elderly that feel this way, its younger adults too. I witnessed something today which is not only rare but also dangerous. A senior member of staff and a psychiatrist argued like children to the point where the entire situation became toxic. It ended with the psychiatrist storming out in tears accusing the other member of staff of assault. Did the assault occur? I honestly don’t know and my view was blocked therefore I couldn’t see. Personally however, I really don’t believe my colleague was or even is capable of assaulting anyone. The psychiatrist really felt threatened by the behaviour and attitude of senior member of staff. This threat I believe was fuelled by her underlying issues, her vulnerability rather than the behaviour of the senior member of staff actually behaving in a threatening manner. She screams and leaves the office. Emotions were really running very high and my head was spinning from all the negativity in the room. I went after the psychiatrist who was now more vulnerable than I had ever seen since her arrival to the team almost three weeks ago. I followed her because no one ran after me when I felt threatened or vulnerable. She wears a happy-go-lucky attitude, a smile plastered on her face almost too easily, laughing and joking with the team. Her work ethic is strong, she oozes knowledge and expertise and completing clinical practice diligently with patient care at the centre of her practice. Yet this is an individual who is extremely vulnerable. The positive suit she wears is fake, behind which she carries a great deal of pain, hurt and damage. A heartbreaking observation to see her pathetic attempts at trying to win the acceptance of her colleagues and the only means by which she feels she can achieve this is put across a front which is so transparent. The psychiatrists position does not reflect her inner state of mind, one which is of chaos and confusion. She returned to the office composing herself.

Everyone is fighting their own battle, in one way of another yet we are just unable to see it because we are so engrossed in our own battles. This self-consuming disease of distress and pain has driven us to become ignorant of those around us. We have financial issues, family issues, personal identity issues to name but a few. We become so engrossed in the struggle to get something me we want to have become complacent. No one wishes to maintain an acceptable level of control over their emotions and fight their own battles privately perhaps due to a lack of knowledge on how to or the mere fact that the emotions are overwhelming.

As humans, if we are all carrying such negativity and stress around with us then what would make it easier for us? What is the one thing that would change the way you feel at one particular moment. The psychiatrist said to me she was grateful that I had come after her to encourage her to come back into the office. Another has said thank you for just being there while she just swears and screams. Another just wanting a hand while she has a panic attack. There was no judgment, there was no back biting and no break of trust. I was just there and such incidents don’t come up again in conversation, particularly from my side. I have come to realise that allowing someone to just vent their feelings at one particular point is so important and so vital to the individuals mental well-being.

Why are we so afraid of our emotions? We know how they feel when we feel them, so why do we ignore them when others around us feel the same?

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

I am a Rock

Is it easy for you to ask for help when you need it, or do you prefer to rely only on yourself? Why?

I am a rock, or so I have been told today by a colleague who had a severe panic attack following an altercation with a fellow colleague in the office. We stand outside while she puffs away vigorously at her cigarette hurling obscenities at our colleague. I stand, watch and listen while offering what I believe to be very little in terms of support. kneeling down to her level, I comfort her and direct her attention away from her state of panic. I encourage her to breathe slowly and slow her pressured speech. My perseverance prevails. She began to breathe slower, speech returning to normal. Tears still roll down her eyes but she is calmer. She hold my hand. I feel the panic in her hand, it shakes, its clammy and cold. She looks at me, indicating that she is ready to return. I see her eyes. There is gratitude and there is relief too. So we walk back to the office, my colleague with red puffy eyes and a sombre look on her face. Angry, frustrated and tired. She links her arm in mine, and hold on tight with her head bowed. I walk in, eyes staring at me like I’ve just dragged in an alien. ‘Thank you’, she said again as we sit down, ‘you have been my rock today, I really do not how I could have managed the situation. I’m here if you ever need me’, she said; ‘do not be afraid to ask for support when you need it’. I was grateful for the gratitude and the hand in support offered to me.

I’ve been dwelling on the entire event ever since. The words echo in my head ‘do not be afraid to ask for support when you need it’. The truth is there was a period of time in my life where I relied heavily on most people around me for everything, particularly emotional support. Unfortunately despite relying on the person, there has been a lack of emotional or any other kind of support there. Slowly and eventually I have learnt to rely on myself heavily and make myself more self-sufficient particularly emotionally. It’s difficult to ask for help and support at a low point in your life only to be turned away or be let down. When asking for help, it is highly likely that you may already be struggling which may be making you feel slight vulnerable or outside of your comfort zone, but to then be ridiculed or to be brushed aside, is not really worth it?

Although it’s not hard for me to ask for help when needed, I usually prefer to rely on myself. To me its, taking full responsibility for the situation and an opportunity to learn something. In order to be a rock, I need to be a rock myself and yes its OK to sometimes say I really don’t know what I’m doing and feel almost isolated but its a lot easier than disappointment. When such situations arise, I take the back seat, reflect and try to make sense of it all. It’s important for me to know and accept that some things are out of my control and punishing myself over it or looking for a solution is often not an option. As a ‘rock’ I’m able to empower myself with the experiences of others and learn. It’s important for me not to take things personally or to heart. This is what helps me, this is what sustains me and for me life is full of moments when you must be your own rock your own saviour. Its most definitely worth it and its fulfilling.

I place myself in the periphery of a group and try to help others according to my capabilities. When tired, I can take a break, no one really notices I’m taking it. When I’ve had a rest, I go and be useful again. I don’t ask for anything in return, I just enjoy being a part of the scene. I don’t aim high, I just be helpful. In this way, no one wants from me more than I am capable of giving and also I don’t feel “used”. I find my happiness there.

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

Happy Valentines Day!!

To My Best Friend, 

Roses are Red,

Violets are Blue

I say screw valentines

The love of my life is you !!

Love.....
Love…..

Love Can Travel For Miles
Just Like Time During Night & Day
But As Love Drifts Miles Apart
It Leaves Footprints In The Heart
As I Express These Feelings For You
I Hope You Have Them For Me Too
Because My Life Is Empty Without You…

To Love

Over the years of my simple existence I have had many a conversation with people about love. What is it? What makes it so controversial and difficult to understand? The answers remain inconclusive but vague ideas have emerged. I have come to realise that love means very different things to different people and is also dependant on the type of character you are as well as what you have observed around you.

For me love happens to be a very open emotion. A feeling that not only liberates an individual but has to the power to destroy and reduce them to their lowest mental state. To love is to allow yourself and your partner to be free in all forms of character and personality. It’s not judgement free because love is honest not bias. When we love someone truly we will be honest with them, inform them of how we feel about them, their decisions and their choices. Ultimately though we allow the person to be free to make their choices even if it does not coincide with our views, opinions or needs because ultimately love does not restrict anyone, its primary aim is to allow for growth to occur. If our partners love us as much as we love them, they’ll allow us to express our feelings, views and opinions without hesitation as they will have the knowledge and understanding that what is being expressed is out of love and not control or disapproval. It’s also known as open communication.

Real love need not be physical all the time, although it is an element of it. For me, a real lover is the man who can thrill by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring at you. It is these actions which demonstrate that love is much deeper than physical attraction, it’s a connection, a bond and an attraction to a soul, perfect for you in all ways imaginable, even with their mistakes, flaws and limitations. You may not be your lovers first, last, or one and only, they still love you now, what else matters? Human perfection is impossible, neither of us will be perfect but together you may be perfect together. They can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes. Hold onto this person, they are very rare, give them the most you can, give them your heart, love, time and life. To love is not to think of the person every second of everyday, it’s the knowledge that they are with you everywhere you go, it’s the understanding and appreciation that they have given you a part of themselves that they know you can break – their heart, their thoughts, their feelings and above all their trust.

Love is not pain-free, lovers will hurt each other, yet it is knowing which pain is acceptable and which isn’t. True lovers won’t intentionally hurt us in any way, and therefore it is our responsibility to learn the intentions and or reasons behind the pain caused before we get emotionally carried away. I believe true lovers do not intentionally hurts their partners, do not attempt to change us but instead empower us to develop ourself. In love, our lovers do not analyse our movements and actions, yet instead seek to understand them, accept them and praise them.

Expectations in love is a tricky one. It’s wrong to say we have none at all, we all have them, some fewer than others perhaps. If I say I don’t expect anything then only I can be held responsible for not clarifying to my lover that dishonesty is not acceptable. The expectations I have would be based upon what the persons capacity is, honesty, open communication, understanding and trust. The rest is a gift, a surprise and an expression of the love our partner feels towards us. To expect a palace from a partner who is unable to give it to us makes us selfish, inconsiderate and demanding. Smile when they make you happy, let them know when they make you mad, and miss them when they are not there.

Love is a feeling which is felt but love as a feeling must also be expressed through our actions. The simplest form of love we can give is our attention. Listen to your partner talk, allow them to feel comfortable enough to express to their heart’s content. A flower, a cooked meal, a candle lit dinner, a walk, a drive, a sweet text message, a romantic email are all forms of action expressing love. It makes our partners happy because it makes them feel extra special, needed, important, desired and most of all loved. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions that dictate their intentions. It’s actions, not words, that matter, because it’s so easy to say I love you, but at the end of the day its how we express it that shows our lover how much they mean to us.

Do not keep a lover waiting. There’s nothing worse than a tortured soul waiting for love. Love mean that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, it does not mean making decisions about your relationship alone with the intention that it’s for your lovers own good, because no matter how well intended our intentions are, we must allow our lover the opportunity to makes their own choices and decisions. Remember love is freedom. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. A hard and often painful fact. Allow your love to be deep, so deep that when you sleep your lovers eyes close, when your lover is distressed you feel their discomfort and when they are happy you are at peace.

To love at all is to be vulnerable so allow your lover to be comfortable enough to be vulnerable. To love anything at all means there is chance your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact and pain-free you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries if your life; avoid all entanglements or attachments. Lock it away safe in the coffin of your selfishness yet remember in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it is highly likely to alter. Although it will remain unbroken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. This is not love. Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you. No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences, it always will be and this is the key element. It’s like a round cake and the love in any relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.I’m not the silly romantic you may think me to be I don’t want the moon, the heavens, the shooting stars, the flashy car or the gold necklace. I don’t want diamonds or pearls. I have those things already. I want a strong and steady hand. A kind, gentle soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake each morning with the knowledge that my heart is safe, this soul is safe. I want to love, and be loved. The best kind of love is the type that awakens the soul and makes us encourages us to reach for more. This love lights a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.Every heart sings a unique song, incomplete and lonesome until another heart whispers back the words of incomplete verses. Those who wish to sing always find their song one way or another. What I want is to be needed, wanted, desired and supported. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody for the rest of our lives. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention and imperfections. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction between us. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired by one! I love you means many things to different people. It means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you. It can mean I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, as well as I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.

So, there you have it. My idea of love. It may not make sense to all, and many will not agree but for me love is not something concrete. Love is ever evolving and has many different meanings for people, many may not even believe in love but for me love is eternal.

I wish you all love my friends and I hope it finds you in its own unique way.

Best wishes,
Maahi PM

The Disappearing Friend

Your work is not to drag the world kicking and screaming into a new awareness.
Your job is to simply do your work…
Sacredly, secretly, and silently…
and those with ‘eyes to see and ears to hear’, will hear, – The Arcturians

When it comes to lifelong friends, I’m pretty unlucky. The many ‘friends’ I have had over the years have either been extremely selfish or full-blown drama shows. Traits such as being supportive, kind and genuine have more often that none been non-existent and the relationship a heavy burden to carry emotionally.

Moments such as sharing a funny story or joke, tears over lost love, a shopping spree or a good old wallow over a Ben and Jerry’s tub are either scarce or non-existent in my history. I have no complaints though, I have learnt a great deal from those who have been selfish or temporarily my best friend.

Now, I wont name any individual but a majority of my so-called ‘friends’ have the brilliant skill of disappearing without a trace or a word. I completely accept that some of my friends, particularly those I know well have genuine reasons to not be in touch and I have no complaints against them. However, I like many other people with certain friends have been through the time phase where I have called, text, and even emailed to no avail. Now I don’t bother and I learned a long time ago and the hard way to accept that this is the case for a large majority people I have crossed paths with. I realise that there have been common reasons for such a disappearance namely, a) I know it’s not personal at all but I just haven’t the time at present for even myself, b) ‘I’ve been genuinely and really busy’ and c) can’t be bothered perhaps? It’s ok my friend, I can take a hint.

A few weeks ago I had the opportunity to meet a high-ranking police officer which was published in the local newspaper. A friend who had fallen into the black hole of disappearance suddenly reappeared causing me some serious discomfort. She wanted to re-establish out friendship which I was unsure about at the time and even how to do. When we first became friends it was during a 3 week training session with a local charity and for a long period of time preceding this training we kept in touch regularly through calls, texts and meetings. Ours was not exactly an established friendship but it certainly wasn’t a new-born relationship and I truly believed that we had both invested a great deal into it, particularly emotionally. Then with a flash she disappeared completely, without a trace. I attempted to contact her through the usual mediums to see if she was OK, to chat and lastly to make sure she wasn’t mad at me for any reason but no, I was only to be met with silence. Took a while to recover from that one, she was once one of my best friends.

This is just one incident which I can recall, there have been many during school and university. Now my approach has changed, my attitude has changed. If I find that a friend has become a vanisher, I allow them to have their space if at all this is what they need otherwise I wish them luck on their journey through life. I completely accept that good friends do have the right to disappear for a bit, and it is a privilege which they have truly earned through proving themselves as friends. The few good and true friends that I do have call me a total pushover and believe this form of temporary emotional investment is so not healthy for me. Being totally honest I partly agree that yes it does hurt to go from being close to totally insignificant but you can’t change people, you have to either accept them as they are and/or start living life without them.

Just a thought….

Am I right? or am I a total pushover? Many have called me a total pushover!

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

A Gift of Words, Happy Birthday D!!

Today is my friend D’s birthday and I am dedicating this post especially to him. In our fairly new friendship we share a passion for good writing and reading so here I dedicate some special words to him. Some words describe him, some words praise him and some words wish him. What better gift than the gift of words!

Happy Birthday
Happy Birthday (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So young yet so wise,
Inspirational yet motivated,
Dedicated and determined,
Mysterious yet transparent,
Excellence as habit!

Wisdom = silence
                 listening
                 memory
                 practice
                 teaching
                 patience

Simplistically Elegant
Earnestly Delightful
Passionate
Delicately Kind
Mischievously Mysterious!

Life is full of beauty notice it,
The beauty of your heart shines through your soul,
You were born with goodness and trust,
Reflected through your character,
You were born with potential,
Evident through your achievements,
You have wings, use them and fly,
For you were not meant for crawling!

A new candle of hope on your cake each year,
Its your birthday, may you experience joy,
On your birthday, I wish you delight,
Its your birthday, may you experience tranquillity,
May each minute of each hour of each day be filled with magic,
Its your birthday, may all your desires come true,
Filling your life with surprises in the abundance,
Its your birthday, may your life be star-bright,
And your birthday is full of merriment,
Its your birthday, may the stars gave over you,
Hope your birthday brings all these and more!

To make your birthday a wonderful day,
Wishing you the happiest birthday yet,
May you have an auspicious day and find happiness,
In everything you do,
So much laughter, so many wishes,
A special birthday gift, a gift of words for a wonderful person,
Have a happy birthday!