Daily Prompt: Infinite

Via Daily Prompt: Infinite

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
We must remember that beyond the horizon of the so called impossible is infinite possibility.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

A Day…..

A day without her – Fun

A week without her – Tiring

A month without her – Sad

A year without her – Lonely

A life without her – Curse

 

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

 

Daily Prompt: Gone

Via Daily Prompt: Gone

A few short stories in relation to today’s daily prompt. Somewhere hidden within the text is a sense of something being gone or lost. I find that the word gone itself is very empty with little to offer in terms of emotion.

The Wi-Fi was fine and good 
It was I who had no connections left

 

“You really mean the world to be my darling!”
This was the birthday text that was sent.
Blue ticks. It’s been read. No reply.
The heart sank. I understood, someone else has taken the place. 

 

Somewhere between yesterday’s shadow and 
Somewhere between tomorrow’s insecurities 
We end up ruining today’a happiness.

 

Sooner or later, 
We all come to realise that being a 
Child was the best thing ever.

 

“Can you live without him?” her friend asked.
“No, but I would rather let him fly than break his wings.”

 

They both cried endlessly.
One had to forget and move on, 
The other regretted letting go. 

 

Somewhere between parents expectations and 
Society’s interference, dreams died. 

 

Take me back in time when people and emotions were real.
Take me to my childhood….

 

Somewhere between “I want to grow up” and 
“I want to be a child again”, Life happened.

 

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

Tough Love

1. The little things that make us happy, the little things which make us feel loved, cared for, respected and appreciated always seem little at the time, but as the years pass, you will realise that they are what make up the very essence and beauty of your relationship.

2. Love has and will always remain to be a risk and gamble. You may know a person very closely and be very comfortable with them but none of us can ever be 100% sure as none or us can predict the future.

3. It’s more important that everyday you are able to consciously choose your partner to be your partner rather that just blaming it or putting it down merely on fate or simply stating that you were “meant to be.” It would be foolish to think or believe that you just floated passively into the relationship; you, like your partner were equal in choosing to take the steps to develop a relationship with each other so you are equally responsible.

4. Relationships, and by that I mean any relationships are bloody hard work and we all know it. Sometimes, you will become frustrated and you’re going to think that shutting down, bringing up the brick wall and emotionally removing yourself from the problem and quite possibly from the relationship temporarily is the wise and mature thing to do.

5. However, hiding or suppressing your feelings, bringing up that wall and closing yourself off from your partner is just as hurtful to them and harmful to your relationship as it is lashing out or yelling. The behaviour creates unnecessary uncertainty and animosity. Sometimes, it can be more detrimental to withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and your partner and the damage can be irreversible.

6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.

7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.

8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.

9. A lasting, meaningful and long term relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling or affair, but it is much more likely to provide lasting happiness and contentment.

10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way. Its the kind of crazy where you wish you could make use of a club and a spade, oh and you just have to accept that its totally normal.

11. Physical attraction is critical but you have to remember everybody gets old and wrinkly. Therefore, attraction should be primarily be based on the persons values and their personality from the onset. This way you both are more likely to become more attractive to each other as you grow old together.

12. Love, roses, attraction affection and relationships are not immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The relationships which last are simply the ones who work out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.

13. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Of course, most of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall and make you scream. What is important is that you love them as a whole person, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal and ‘perfect’ partner (who will never exist).

14. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love and stay in love when it feels as if every part of your life is an effort and a struggle. But as strange as it may sound, in relationships you become much closer when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.

15. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.

16. Harsh as it may sound, you will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But its is not not at all possible to find the real meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can form a part of your life, but they are not the answer to it entirely. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness first before they can share that happiness with you.

17. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work and energy but don’t be under the illusion that this makes your relationship a failure. On the contrary, it makes you both real and human.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

Emotions

I love my life and I love myself. I am happy within my own skin and I know very few people who can say this without either flinching or avoiding the question. In my line of work I see so many patients who really are quite disturbed by their actual self and cannot function without negativity in almost every sentence they say. There’s the anxiety of becoming old and losing the full functionality of their body as well as their minds. Then there’s the chronic fear of loneliness, abandonment and isolation from friends and family who either live further afield or have passed away due to ill-health. The loss importance is another theme that often arises in conversation. Many of my old dear patients feel so unimportant despite their knowledge and vast life experience. They couldn’t be further from the truth. In fact, a large part of my life has been built on the foundations of having acquaintance with people who are often 20-30 years older than me at least. However, society really does not have any space for them or any useful and meaningful role which they can continue to play and live a more fulfilling and satisfying quality of life. It’s a sad situation and a real loss for society despite the abundance of this resource of knowledge and experience.

It’s not just the elderly that feel this way, its younger adults too. I witnessed something today which is not only rare but also dangerous. A senior member of staff and a psychiatrist argued like children to the point where the entire situation became toxic. It ended with the psychiatrist storming out in tears accusing the other member of staff of assault. Did the assault occur? I honestly don’t know and my view was blocked therefore I couldn’t see. Personally however, I really don’t believe my colleague was or even is capable of assaulting anyone. The psychiatrist really felt threatened by the behaviour and attitude of senior member of staff. This threat I believe was fuelled by her underlying issues, her vulnerability rather than the behaviour of the senior member of staff actually behaving in a threatening manner. She screams and leaves the office. Emotions were really running very high and my head was spinning from all the negativity in the room. I went after the psychiatrist who was now more vulnerable than I had ever seen since her arrival to the team almost three weeks ago. I followed her because no one ran after me when I felt threatened or vulnerable. She wears a happy-go-lucky attitude, a smile plastered on her face almost too easily, laughing and joking with the team. Her work ethic is strong, she oozes knowledge and expertise and completing clinical practice diligently with patient care at the centre of her practice. Yet this is an individual who is extremely vulnerable. The positive suit she wears is fake, behind which she carries a great deal of pain, hurt and damage. A heartbreaking observation to see her pathetic attempts at trying to win the acceptance of her colleagues and the only means by which she feels she can achieve this is put across a front which is so transparent. The psychiatrists position does not reflect her inner state of mind, one which is of chaos and confusion. She returned to the office composing herself.

Everyone is fighting their own battle, in one way of another yet we are just unable to see it because we are so engrossed in our own battles. This self-consuming disease of distress and pain has driven us to become ignorant of those around us. We have financial issues, family issues, personal identity issues to name but a few. We become so engrossed in the struggle to get something me we want to have become complacent. No one wishes to maintain an acceptable level of control over their emotions and fight their own battles privately perhaps due to a lack of knowledge on how to or the mere fact that the emotions are overwhelming.

As humans, if we are all carrying such negativity and stress around with us then what would make it easier for us? What is the one thing that would change the way you feel at one particular moment. The psychiatrist said to me she was grateful that I had come after her to encourage her to come back into the office. Another has said thank you for just being there while she just swears and screams. Another just wanting a hand while she has a panic attack. There was no judgment, there was no back biting and no break of trust. I was just there and such incidents don’t come up again in conversation, particularly from my side. I have come to realise that allowing someone to just vent their feelings at one particular point is so important and so vital to the individuals mental well-being.

Why are we so afraid of our emotions? We know how they feel when we feel them, so why do we ignore them when others around us feel the same?

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

Regrets, I’ve had a few

What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

Regrets. We all have them and they play an aspect in shaping our lives. I’m no different. I have some and they often put me in situations that I could avoid. One of my biggest regrets is that I am emotional and, without sounding too self-proclaiming, I’m too nice. There have been times where I have not stood up for myself as much as I should have which has resulted in me often being used and abused. It left me feeling empty and worthless for a while but I still continued. If I had stood firmly on my own two feet and not worry about acceptance and fitting in I think my younger life would most definitely have been happier and easier.

Even now, II do feel that I am a bit of a push over and regret that but there is much more of a better understanding of it, I can almost justify it to myself in a more logical manner, in a more acceptable manner. So I am just covering up and justifying certain behaviours and continuing the same behaviour? Well, no. I know my limits now, I have set my boundaries to protect myself and I myself recognise my limits. When I have not stood up for myself I have often lost out on things I actually deserve and at a later date this has come back to bite me. There would most definitely have been different friends, a different job, a different marriage and a more desirable outcome. It’s all been in aid of being accepted and wanted, which are basic and natural needs of humans. However, I’ve learnt the hard way that pushing something that is not worth pushing is not always a good idea.

My biggest regret is not going for and waiting for what I deserve and in the end it has made me unhappy at times but the concept of being alone and unaccepted was too strong at the time that I was blinded by a desperation. But I’ve grown up now, and quickly too. I’ve learnt what I deserve and I’m now going after it, even if it means leaving a few people whom I do love behind.

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

 

The Illusion

When we are in emotional distress and are hurting and in pain, there is seldom another standing beside us to help us through our suffering. So we become stronger, we fight the pain, we deal with our anguish. This strength sustains us throughout our youth. The illusion we create for ourselves is that our strength will see us through our darkest days. But we all age in one form or another and our strength does not sustain us, it disintegrates and we break. We have created a trap. With age comes many aliments which tax us of our energy and strength yet we still seek out the support we so needed when we were younger. What we forget is if there was no support when we were younger, why would there be support when we age?

Best wishes,
Maahi PM

The Art of Masking

The art of masking, what is it? Well, in my case its the masking of my internalised thoughts and feelings. It’s the manner in which I mask that I believe to be an art. Some critics may call it denial, some may say I run from the truth but in fact its none of these. I very well aware of what I mask and more importantly why I mask it. There is no individual in this world who has not been distressed by a particular situation which has caused them distress, discomfort and emotional pain. I am no exception. However, I have acquired a strange skills over the years. I have learned to slowly decrease my disapproval of circumstances. Yet I have not ignored how they have made me actually feel. Often what has occurred cannot be altered or even forgotten about but my reaction I realise can be managed better.

When a situation has arisen that I disapprove of or that I have strong feelings about something in particular I will often be the last to voice my opinion. I watch, I wait and above all I listen. I see a lot of this. Many a time I see the sheer anxiety of an individual who is looking to always stay ahead. Their voices are often loud, their speech often pressured and are easily angered. I listen to so much, oh so much more than I want to hear at times. Insecurities, prejudice, hatred, selfishness and at times genuine feelings. You see all these things are unmasked, but only visible to those who wish to see it. Many a time people are constantly thinking: but only within their own box.

So why do I mask mine? Well, because it teaches me how to be stronger. Very often my feelings are strong and can overwhelm me. I am sensitive. I am often told by friends, family and colleagues that ‘you look and sound normal. you’re ok surely’, this couldn’t be further from the truth. There are two elements there: firstly the assumptions that I look and sound fine must mean to them that I am fine and secondly the insensitivity of not asking how I actually am. This is where masking comes in. It is where I control and effectively manage my emotions, not allowing the opposite person know what is going on within you but also not lying to them either. (No one deserves to be lied to). If an individual is too opinionated about me already, nothing I say will make the slightest bit of difference to whatever idea they already possess and furthermore, if this individual does not hold the ability to actually ask me then telling them I am not fine would be a complete waste of time for the both of us. Masking allows me to deal with the issue at hand in the way that best suits me. It is not influenced by people’s own experiences or opinions. It prevents me from feeling vulnerable in presence of individuals and rather than being negative about it, I reflect and I learn. Masking decreases my expectations from people, it makes me self-sufficient. I often find that I do not need to compete with anyone and am more satisfied with life. Often it can help in situations at work, opinions worsen a state of affairs and sometimes having a rational, often factual point can help manage it better. Such strong opinions can hurt others, curbing them or portraying them in a more productive manner can often prevent situations from arising which may otherwise become difficult to manage.

Those that know I mask often say to me that it makes me more vulnerable and I isolate myself. This is simply untrue. When speaking to people who do listen and understand I will say how I actually feel. I just don’t have precious time to waste on those who simply do not understand. Masking in a protective factor for me, and it gives me a freedom which many others do not possess. It even allows me to takes things less personally. Less personal interactions/friends/family = less agony, less pain and less grief. Yet in the world people are not happy with this idea that people like myself like their own company. It does not make me anti-social, it makes me selfish perhaps yes but it certainly does not mean I have lost all faith in humans. I just choose who I want to mask my feelings from and who I wish to share them with. Not all are entitled to know my feelings, particularly if they do not understand and cannot make the time to understand them. Masking is such a productive tool for me and I am much happier and satisfied as an individual. My though patterns, and my feelings are more effectively channelled in the right direction and in the right manner for me.

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

Surely God……

Surely God is good to those who are pure in heart.
But as for me, my feet had almost slipped;
I had nearly lost my foothold.
For I envied the arrogant
when I saw the prosperity of the wicked.
They have no struggles;
their bodies are healthy and strong.
They are free from common human burdens;
they are not plagued by human ills.
Therefore pride is their necklace;
they clothe themselves with violence.
From their callous hearts comes iniquity;
their evil imaginations have no limits.
They scoff, and speak with malice;
with arrogance they threaten oppression.
Their mouths lay claim to heaven,
and their tongues take possession of the earth.
Therefore their people turn to them
and drink up waters in abundance.
They say, “How would God know?
Does the Most High know anything?”
This is what the wicked are like—
always free of care, they go on amassing wealth.
Surely in vain I have kept my heart pure
and have washed my hands in innocence.

A beautiful quote which describes so well many of people I have encountered. Although this is from the Bible, I feel it can be applied to a wide range of situations. The words are so powerful yet so true. It elicits a sense of pride for people who really and truly do follow the path of truth, honesty. Followers of the truth and that which is fair often stand alone, crying a tear or two in darkness to overcome the pain, set backs and struggles of fighting. Such people are often simple in their thoughts, ideas and live a fairly simple life. I have seen such people suffer at the hands of evil. Their tears silent, their anguish private but struggle visible, and unmoved. This evil need not be limited to death and destruction in masses, but in the smallness of words, the smallness of actions and inactions. Ignorance, rudeness, violence, oppression, control and much more are all stems of evil. But it is this simplicity of people who are honest which sets them apart from all the rest; their faith and resilience contributes to their long lasting success. Let us not hurt those who are innocent and let us not underestimate the power an innocent person has against evil.

Best Wishes
Maahi PM

A Rage

The fire rages on, a shining blue in colour
The heat intensifying with every move, every though
Its silence deadly and deep
Tension and pressure surrounding its walls
A volcano burning, poisoning its own habitat
A sinking of a good heart, vermin clouding all conscious awareness
Bottomless rage ignitable by the wind
This wrath, the enemy of love, understanding, trust and respect
Destroying all elements of hope
Leaving behind a sad, lonesome emptiness
Like the rain, fall the burning droplets of rage
Unpredictable and uncontrollable
A feeling of despair, disappointment and failure
A burning butterfly, an innocent victim of injustice
Overwhelming in nature, yet rage so weak in nature
The realisation of being weak and powerless
Injustice fuelling this rage
Powerlessness fuelling this anger
An endless vicious circle of breaking, crumbling and destroying
Hurting words, painful memories which cannot be reversed
This rage, a sudden eruption of a volcano
Splashing agony and pain in all directions
The beginning of an all extinguishing inferno,
Entire worlds will be destroyed, an inextinguishable rage
Rage. Uncontrollable. Unpredictable. Inextinguishable.
A rage polished and masked with a smile and a nod,
Varnished into an illusion. Pain unnoticeable. Grief immeasurable.
Best Wishes,
Maahi PM