Tough Love

1. The little things that make us happy, the little things which make us feel loved, cared for, respected and appreciated always seem little at the time, but as the years pass, you will realise that they are what make up the very essence and beauty of your relationship.

2. Love has and will always remain to be a risk and gamble. You may know a person very closely and be very comfortable with them but none of us can ever be 100% sure as none or us can predict the future.

3. It’s more important that everyday you are able to consciously choose your partner to be your partner rather that just blaming it or putting it down merely on fate or simply stating that you were “meant to be.” It would be foolish to think or believe that you just floated passively into the relationship; you, like your partner were equal in choosing to take the steps to develop a relationship with each other so you are equally responsible.

4. Relationships, and by that I mean any relationships are bloody hard work and we all know it. Sometimes, you will become frustrated and you’re going to think that shutting down, bringing up the brick wall and emotionally removing yourself from the problem and quite possibly from the relationship temporarily is the wise and mature thing to do.

5. However, hiding or suppressing your feelings, bringing up that wall and closing yourself off from your partner is just as hurtful to them and harmful to your relationship as it is lashing out or yelling. The behaviour creates unnecessary uncertainty and animosity. Sometimes, it can be more detrimental to withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and your partner and the damage can be irreversible.

6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.

7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.

8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.

9. A lasting, meaningful and long term relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling or affair, but it is much more likely to provide lasting happiness and contentment.

10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way. Its the kind of crazy where you wish you could make use of a club and a spade, oh and you just have to accept that its totally normal.

11. Physical attraction is critical but you have to remember everybody gets old and wrinkly. Therefore, attraction should be primarily be based on the persons values and their personality from the onset. This way you both are more likely to become more attractive to each other as you grow old together.

12. Love, roses, attraction affection and relationships are not immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The relationships which last are simply the ones who work out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.

13. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Of course, most of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall and make you scream. What is important is that you love them as a whole person, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal and ‘perfect’ partner (who will never exist).

14. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love and stay in love when it feels as if every part of your life is an effort and a struggle. But as strange as it may sound, in relationships you become much closer when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.

15. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.

16. Harsh as it may sound, you will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But its is not not at all possible to find the real meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can form a part of your life, but they are not the answer to it entirely. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness first before they can share that happiness with you.

17. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work and energy but don’t be under the illusion that this makes your relationship a failure. On the contrary, it makes you both real and human.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

The Strangest Thing…

The most strangest thing happened to me today on my way to work. It overwhelmed me and I still feel a slight after shock of it. It’s the attention I found to be a bit too much.

On my way to work I was at the train station waiting for my train to arrive when an elderly gentleman approached. He was short and slim, his face looked worn out and tired. It was as if he had been living for centuries and each year of his life was etched in the wrinkles of his face. The gentleman’s eyes were deeply sunk into his face and he worn slimline glasses. A striking feature of him were his eyes; a light colour but clear as day and shiny. The man worn a hat on a head full of grey hair dotted with a few dark strands. His hands shook as he pointed to his destination station and asked which train he needed to catch. I removed my headphones and said it would be the next train arriving at this platform. It just so happened to be the same train as mine. He sat a few seats away from me on the platform bench and asked if I would help him onto the train when it arrived as his vision is impaired. Not a problem at all. We chatted for a while, he asked me where I was from and the languages I spoke and if I was married. The gentleman said he was from Morocco and that he had been living with his children but they had thrown him out and he was now on his way to his brother’s house.

I saw the train arriving and got up to collect my belongings. I informed the frail gentleman that the train was arriving now. He got up slowly which reaching out for my arm. I went and stood to his left and he grabbed my arm tightly. It was only then that I noticed just how frail he was; his hands icy cold on a day where the average temperature in London is 15 degrees celcius. His hands shaking as he held his single crutch in his right arm. He walked slowly towards the train as it pulled up on the platform. We reached the door as it stopped and the doors opened. He hesitated at first to walk through but a light push and words of encouragement got him moving again. It was short-lived though as a young man brushed past the gentleman on his right, knocking the crutch from his hand which fell between the small gap between the train and the platform. It was hanging on by the arm support band. This caused a great deal of distress. The gentleman started panicking, shaking and speaking rapidly and loudly. I realised that the doors were about to close which would have pushed us both into unstable positions. I pulled the emergency cord to prevent this from happening. All the while the gentleman was desperate to get a hold of his single crutch. I spoke slowly and straight to the gentleman to clam him down, I explained that I was there and wouldn’t let go of his arm and that i will get his crutch for him. While speaking to the gentleman, the train driver came out to see what all the commotion was about. I briefly explained and the train driver picked up the crutch and handed it to the gentleman. He grabbed it like his life depended on it. He escorted us to the nearest empty seats and explained that the police would want to speak to us at his destination stop.

During the short journey to his destination, the gentleman explained that he’s going to his brother’s house because he has no money and nowhere else to go, his wife passed away many years ago and he is all alone now. “I feel so alone, I just want a place to stay in my dying days”, he said. I sat in silence while he spoke. We arrived at our destination and as promised by the driver of the train, the police were there waiting for us. There were two officers, a tall built caucasian officer who looked like the lead for the day and a slightly shorter female officer with I helped the elderly man off the train and spoke to the police to explain what had happened. They took my details and the broken details of the man. The police thanked me and shook my hand. “Well done”, they said. No problem I said and went back to my seat. Little did I know that I would receive a round of applause for my behaviour. The whole carriage applauded and this is what truly overwhelmed me.

I don’t think my behaviour was of any particular significance neither was it an act of heroism. I merely assisted an elderly but distressed man. Why is helping someone such a heroic act? As humans this is what we’re suppose to do and how we should be behaving surely? Not all do I realise this and accept too but it saddens me to know that we as humans are too impatient, proud and self-centred to stop and ask or even assist those less fortunate than ourselves. Many people may read this and forget just as quickly so it’s not really for those who won’t be able to understand its more for those who do behave in this manner. My message to you is that keep up the work, you never know when your single moment of assistance to another human will be one which will make a world of difference to them. The difference between life and death even.

Best wishes,
Maahi PM