Ambivalence

You’re not in love with her 

If yelling at her in an argument doesn’t make your throat burn like you just downed six shots, you’re not in love with her.

If her eyes can’t make you stop in your tracks and think about what you are about to say next, you’re not in love with her.

If her laugh doesn’t make you tense up your knuckles thinking about never hearing it again, you’re not in love with her.

If it only hurts her when she cries, you’re not in love with her.

If her voice cant calm your worst anxiety attacks and make you want to listen to anything she has to say, you’re not in love with her.

If her smile doesn’t make your chest quake and your lungs shrink but feel refreshed all in one motion, you’re not in love with her. 

If her taking her clothes off is when you pay the most attention to her, you’re not in love with her at all. 

Best wishes,

Maahi PM

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A reason to live 

The only reason I choose to stay alive is so my family doesn’t live with the devastation of my suicide. My pain is not more than the life long pain they would live with. 

Best wishes, 

Maahi PM 

A Mother’s Love

A Mother’s Love 
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can understand our tears,
Can soothe our disappoints
And calm all of our fears. 
There are times when only a Mother’s love
Can share the joy we feel
When something we’ve dreamed about
Quite suddenly is real. 
There are times when only a Mother’s faith
Can help us on life’s way
And inspire in us the confidence
We need from day to day. 
For a Mother’s heart and a Mother’s faith
And a Mother’s steadfast love
Were fashioned by the Angels
And sent from God above. 

Happy Mother’s Day to my beautiful mum. I love you with all I am today and all I will be.

St Valentine’s Day Survival Guide

Hearts

Oh, Valentine’s Day. It is that time of year again when love is in the air where couples of all orientations express their undying affection for one another through PDA’s (Public Displays of Affection) and a showering of lavish gifts in the unmistakable colour of RED.

As with a flip of a coin, there’s another side to this day. For each love struck romantic looking to put their love on the line, there is the cringe faced eye-rolling cynic denouncing the holiday as a gimmick. It is individuals such as these whom Valentine’s Day equates to nothing more than Hallmark, Clinton’s and other cards sellers racking in a handsome share of profits from the sale of cards and other related products. And, let’s face it, those of us who have been unlucky enough to have been stung by rejection or have found ourselves surrounded by friends searching for opportunities to lip lock have most certainly felt the wrenching sensation whenever Valentine’s Day creeps up.

So how should you deal with Valentine’s Day?

Well, if you’re single, avoid feeling pressured to conform to societies norms of being romantically involved with another. It’s just 14th Feb, another day in the year which just so happens to be the day when many around you have made plans to shower undying love on their significant other. If this bothers you then make plans of your own; go watch a movie, cook something special for yourself or even treat yourself to something expensive. Although it is much more socially acceptable to be single in society, we find Valentine’s Day a struggle in a society of fixed ideas; just take a browse around the high street shops. The soft toys, cards and other tokens of undying affection are reserved primarily for the girlfriend, boyfriend, wife and husband. Might I remind the profiteering card companies of the many bloodline relatives in existence; parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters and extended family. Buy your parents and grandparents flowers because everyone seems to forget that old people get lonely easily, especially around the holidays and they need to be reminded that they’re loved too.

As for those of you who are in the early stages of a new relationship, no Valentine’s Day this year folks. We all know that its hard enough getting to know another person without the added burden of having to deal with international love day. Take the opportunity to find activities which do not involve Valentine’s Day; volunteer at a day centre for the elderly or with children, take up a course or spend it with your single friends.

Now, for those of you seeing someone you actually like or in the early stages of a real relationship: make a real effort. Gentleman, make an effort!! Ladies, show some affection too!! Guys, at least purchase a card for your sweetheart and say nice things to her about your feelings towards her and make her feel special and pampered. Although, ideally we should all be expressing such affections daily but today make an effort, go the extra mile. Offer to prepare a meal but avoid the bare minimum sustenance meals which you would ordinarily only prepare for yourself. Ensure to set the table, use a clean table-cloth and importantly buy some flowers and good quality chocolate. I cannot stress the next point enough: TURN OFF YOUR MOBILES, LAPTOPS AND TVs!!! Today is about your sweetheart and you no matter how long or short your relationship has been. Also, try to avoid clichés today unless your sweetheart is into such things. Demonstrate that you pay attention to your partner’s particular interests and desires by planning something that is geared for your partner’s particular tastes. You’ll be pleasantly surprised how far the smallest display of genuine effort and affection can stretch to. And if you are not sure, it maybe a good idea to discuss and plan the celebration you might like together; a night out or a nice intimate time or an adventurous day. This will take the pressure off the day by removing judgements and avoid disappointments through expectations.

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day whatever you do and remember to love yourself because that’s the most important.

I love you!!

Best Wishes
Maahi PM

A Message

A messages has arrived;
It troubles me
A letter has come
It asks,
When will you return home?
Write to me, oh my loved one, when will you come home?
For without you, this home is soulless, empty

A lover, a lady has written a letter,
When is you return home?
For this home is empty, lifeless without you
They all ask, when will you return home?
The scented dawns, the riotous evenings,
The lonely nights, the flowers in her hair,
The incomplete words, the yearning embraces,
and the longing glances have all asked
When shall you return?
for without you this home is empty, lifeless without you.

A messages has arrived;
It troubles me
A letter has come
It asks,
When will you return home?
Write to me, oh my loved one, when will you come home?
For without you, this home is soulless, empty

The lover writes;
The towns, the shadows of the willow trees,
The old park bench, the rain showering down,
The fields of poppy, the town squares,
The ocher climbers, the twisting vines,
The rocking swings, the swaying flowers,
The bursting blossoms, and the lanes of the towns ask
When shall you return?
for without you this home is empty, lifeless without you.

The message has arrived,
Written with love in her eyes, words burstings with affection, with sentiment.
A tenderness, a warmth, a concern, a passion,
Sometimes Outwardly in anger, sometimes inwardly in love
In every word my lover asks,
When will you return home?
Write to me, oh my loved one, when will you come home?
For without you, this home is soulless, empty

Oh passing wind, in your arms carry my embrace to my lover
Quicken to my town, where the twisting vines await,
Quicken to my town with the swaying flowers,
Quicken to my lane with the shadows of the willows tress call out,
Quicken to my lane where by beloved resides
Give embrace to her, give her my love, give her my touch.
Tell her I love her so
Tell her I shall return one day

Memory

Freedom

Freedom
She is seated on a park bench,
Her breathing: shallow and rapid
Her body: shivering with anger,
Hot droplets of sweat dripping from her brow,
Thoughts come at the speed of lightning.

Happiness now a faint memory of feelings which no longer exist,
Replaced instead with a turbulent struggling soul,
Tears streaming, war raging yet still surviving.

Her vision blurred, her objective set,
Anticipation no longer distracting her,
A momentary clam, a release,
Stillness.

Unleashed is the frustration
Unleashed is the pain
Unleashed is the anger

The warmth is calming
It is comforting and silent
She is smiling
Freedom

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

Anguish

Anguish
During my lifetime I have witnessed a great number of people cry.
Women, men, the elderly, children and the young.
Witnessing their sorrow, their anguish first hand 
Their eyes reddened, swollen with puffy red faces. 
Mostly women, sunk in their never-ending sorrow and pain
A woman with a subsiding storm glaringly visible in her reddened eyes.
Her features; an appearance in shambles.
I sit. I observe. The aftermath of her tears. 
Frail, severed, wounded and tender.
I have watched her cry. 
I have observed her erupt in sobs from the pit of her soul. 
This woman, her face disfigured in misery and remorse.
Her hot tears rush down her face; her mouth quietly shrieking in utter misery.
There is no doubt that she is beautiful
She is the only woman I know who looks painfully beautiful even in anguish. 
She longs to be admired, to be adored, to be worshipped.
Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

Love me

Love me today and love me for sure,
For tomorrow I may be no more.
Love me now and love me full,
For tomorrow my life can be pulled.
Love me today and love me close,
For tomorrow may close the open rose.
Love me today and love me like forever,
For tomorrow may start with a never.
Love me today and love me pure,
For tomorrow may settle my score.
Love me today and love me with your all,
For tomorrow may bring my fatal fall.
Love me today and just love me somehow,
For tomorrow may be the last of my now.
Love me today and with all your strife,
For tomorrow may be the end of my life.

Happy 1st Wedding Anniversary to my Dear Husband Amit!
I love you so very much xx

 

Best Wishes,
Maahi PM

To Love

Over the years of my simple existence I have had many a conversation with people about love. What is it? What makes it so controversial and difficult to understand? The answers remain inconclusive but vague ideas have emerged. I have come to realise that love means very different things to different people and is also dependant on the type of character you are as well as what you have observed around you.

For me love happens to be a very open emotion. A feeling that not only liberates an individual but has to the power to destroy and reduce them to their lowest mental state. To love is to allow yourself and your partner to be free in all forms of character and personality. It’s not judgement free because love is honest not bias. When we love someone truly we will be honest with them, inform them of how we feel about them, their decisions and their choices. Ultimately though we allow the person to be free to make their choices even if it does not coincide with our views, opinions or needs because ultimately love does not restrict anyone, its primary aim is to allow for growth to occur. If our partners love us as much as we love them, they’ll allow us to express our feelings, views and opinions without hesitation as they will have the knowledge and understanding that what is being expressed is out of love and not control or disapproval. It’s also known as open communication.

Real love need not be physical all the time, although it is an element of it. For me, a real lover is the man who can thrill by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring at you. It is these actions which demonstrate that love is much deeper than physical attraction, it’s a connection, a bond and an attraction to a soul, perfect for you in all ways imaginable, even with their mistakes, flaws and limitations. You may not be your lovers first, last, or one and only, they still love you now, what else matters? Human perfection is impossible, neither of us will be perfect but together you may be perfect together. They can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes. Hold onto this person, they are very rare, give them the most you can, give them your heart, love, time and life. To love is not to think of the person every second of everyday, it’s the knowledge that they are with you everywhere you go, it’s the understanding and appreciation that they have given you a part of themselves that they know you can break – their heart, their thoughts, their feelings and above all their trust.

Love is not pain-free, lovers will hurt each other, yet it is knowing which pain is acceptable and which isn’t. True lovers won’t intentionally hurt us in any way, and therefore it is our responsibility to learn the intentions and or reasons behind the pain caused before we get emotionally carried away. I believe true lovers do not intentionally hurts their partners, do not attempt to change us but instead empower us to develop ourself. In love, our lovers do not analyse our movements and actions, yet instead seek to understand them, accept them and praise them.

Expectations in love is a tricky one. It’s wrong to say we have none at all, we all have them, some fewer than others perhaps. If I say I don’t expect anything then only I can be held responsible for not clarifying to my lover that dishonesty is not acceptable. The expectations I have would be based upon what the persons capacity is, honesty, open communication, understanding and trust. The rest is a gift, a surprise and an expression of the love our partner feels towards us. To expect a palace from a partner who is unable to give it to us makes us selfish, inconsiderate and demanding. Smile when they make you happy, let them know when they make you mad, and miss them when they are not there.

Love is a feeling which is felt but love as a feeling must also be expressed through our actions. The simplest form of love we can give is our attention. Listen to your partner talk, allow them to feel comfortable enough to express to their heart’s content. A flower, a cooked meal, a candle lit dinner, a walk, a drive, a sweet text message, a romantic email are all forms of action expressing love. It makes our partners happy because it makes them feel extra special, needed, important, desired and most of all loved. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions that dictate their intentions. It’s actions, not words, that matter, because it’s so easy to say I love you, but at the end of the day its how we express it that shows our lover how much they mean to us.

Do not keep a lover waiting. There’s nothing worse than a tortured soul waiting for love. Love mean that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, it does not mean making decisions about your relationship alone with the intention that it’s for your lovers own good, because no matter how well intended our intentions are, we must allow our lover the opportunity to makes their own choices and decisions. Remember love is freedom. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. A hard and often painful fact. Allow your love to be deep, so deep that when you sleep your lovers eyes close, when your lover is distressed you feel their discomfort and when they are happy you are at peace.

To love at all is to be vulnerable so allow your lover to be comfortable enough to be vulnerable. To love anything at all means there is chance your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact and pain-free you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries if your life; avoid all entanglements or attachments. Lock it away safe in the coffin of your selfishness yet remember in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it is highly likely to alter. Although it will remain unbroken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. This is not love. Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you. No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences, it always will be and this is the key element. It’s like a round cake and the love in any relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.I’m not the silly romantic you may think me to be I don’t want the moon, the heavens, the shooting stars, the flashy car or the gold necklace. I don’t want diamonds or pearls. I have those things already. I want a strong and steady hand. A kind, gentle soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake each morning with the knowledge that my heart is safe, this soul is safe. I want to love, and be loved. The best kind of love is the type that awakens the soul and makes us encourages us to reach for more. This love lights a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.Every heart sings a unique song, incomplete and lonesome until another heart whispers back the words of incomplete verses. Those who wish to sing always find their song one way or another. What I want is to be needed, wanted, desired and supported. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody for the rest of our lives. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention and imperfections. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction between us. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired by one! I love you means many things to different people. It means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you. It can mean I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, as well as I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.

So, there you have it. My idea of love. It may not make sense to all, and many will not agree but for me love is not something concrete. Love is ever evolving and has many different meanings for people, many may not even believe in love but for me love is eternal.

I wish you all love my friends and I hope it finds you in its own unique way.

Best wishes,
Maahi PM