Over the years of my simple existence I have had many a conversation with people about love. What is it? What makes it so controversial and difficult to understand? The answers remain inconclusive but vague ideas have emerged. I have come to realise that love means very different things to different people and is also dependant on the type of character you are as well as what you have observed around you.
For me love happens to be a very open emotion. A feeling that not only liberates an individual but has to the power to destroy and reduce them to their lowest mental state. To love is to allow yourself and your partner to be free in all forms of character and personality. It’s not judgement free because love is honest not bias. When we love someone truly we will be honest with them, inform them of how we feel about them, their decisions and their choices. Ultimately though we allow the person to be free to make their choices even if it does not coincide with our views, opinions or needs because ultimately love does not restrict anyone, its primary aim is to allow for growth to occur. If our partners love us as much as we love them, they’ll allow us to express our feelings, views and opinions without hesitation as they will have the knowledge and understanding that what is being expressed is out of love and not control or disapproval. It’s also known as open communication.
Real love need not be physical all the time, although it is an element of it. For me, a real lover is the man who can thrill by kissing your forehead or smiling into your eyes or just staring at you. It is these actions which demonstrate that love is much deeper than physical attraction, it’s a connection, a bond and an attraction to a soul, perfect for you in all ways imaginable, even with their mistakes, flaws and limitations. You may not be your lovers first, last, or one and only, they still love you now, what else matters? Human perfection is impossible, neither of us will be perfect but together you may be perfect together. They can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes. Hold onto this person, they are very rare, give them the most you can, give them your heart, love, time and life. To love is not to think of the person every second of everyday, it’s the knowledge that they are with you everywhere you go, it’s the understanding and appreciation that they have given you a part of themselves that they know you can break – their heart, their thoughts, their feelings and above all their trust.
Love is not pain-free, lovers will hurt each other, yet it is knowing which pain is acceptable and which isn’t. True lovers won’t intentionally hurt us in any way, and therefore it is our responsibility to learn the intentions and or reasons behind the pain caused before we get emotionally carried away. I believe true lovers do not intentionally hurts their partners, do not attempt to change us but instead empower us to develop ourself. In love, our lovers do not analyse our movements and actions, yet instead seek to understand them, accept them and praise them.
Expectations in love is a tricky one. It’s wrong to say we have none at all, we all have them, some fewer than others perhaps. If I say I don’t expect anything then only I can be held responsible for not clarifying to my lover that dishonesty is not acceptable. The expectations I have would be based upon what the persons capacity is, honesty, open communication, understanding and trust. The rest is a gift, a surprise and an expression of the love our partner feels towards us. To expect a palace from a partner who is unable to give it to us makes us selfish, inconsiderate and demanding. Smile when they make you happy, let them know when they make you mad, and miss them when they are not there.
Love is a feeling which is felt but love as a feeling must also be expressed through our actions. The simplest form of love we can give is our attention. Listen to your partner talk, allow them to feel comfortable enough to express to their heart’s content. A flower, a cooked meal, a candle lit dinner, a walk, a drive, a sweet text message, a romantic email are all forms of action expressing love. It makes our partners happy because it makes them feel extra special, needed, important, desired and most of all loved. You’re going to come across people in your life who will say all the right words at all the right times. But in the end, it’s always their actions that dictate their intentions. It’s actions, not words, that matter, because it’s so easy to say I love you, but at the end of the day its how we express it that shows our lover how much they mean to us.
Do not keep a lover waiting. There’s nothing worse than a tortured soul waiting for love. Love mean that you care for another person’s happiness more than your own, it does not mean making decisions about your relationship alone with the intention that it’s for your lovers own good, because no matter how well intended our intentions are, we must allow our lover the opportunity to makes their own choices and decisions. Remember love is freedom. Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage. A hard and often painful fact. Allow your love to be deep, so deep that when you sleep your lovers eyes close, when your lover is distressed you feel their discomfort and when they are happy you are at peace.
To love at all is to be vulnerable so allow your lover to be comfortable enough to be vulnerable. To love anything at all means there is chance your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact and pain-free you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries if your life; avoid all entanglements or attachments. Lock it away safe in the coffin of your selfishness yet remember in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it is highly likely to alter. Although it will remain unbroken, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. This is not love. Love is needing someone. Love is putting up with someone’s bad qualities because they somehow complete you. No relationship is perfect, ever. There are always some ways you have to bend, to compromise, to give something up in order to gain something greater. The love we have for each other is bigger than these small differences, it always will be and this is the key element. It’s like a round cake and the love in any relationship has to be the biggest piece. Love can make up for a lot.I’m not the silly romantic you may think me to be I don’t want the moon, the heavens, the shooting stars, the flashy car or the gold necklace. I don’t want diamonds or pearls. I have those things already. I want a strong and steady hand. A kind, gentle soul. I want to fall asleep, and wake each morning with the knowledge that my heart is safe, this soul is safe. I want to love, and be loved. The best kind of love is the type that awakens the soul and makes us encourages us to reach for more. This love lights a fire in our hearts and brings peace to our minds.Every heart sings a unique song, incomplete and lonesome until another heart whispers back the words of incomplete verses. Those who wish to sing always find their song one way or another. What I want is to be needed, wanted, desired and supported. What I need is to be indispensable to somebody for the rest of our lives. Who I need is somebody that will eat up all my free time, my ego, my attention and imperfections. Somebody addicted to me. A mutual addiction between us. Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired by one! I love you means many things to different people. It means I love you more than anyone loves you, or has loved you, or will love you. It can mean I love you in a way that no one loves you, or has loved you, or will love you, as well as I love you in a way that I love no one else, and never have loved anyone else, and never will love anyone else.
So, there you have it. My idea of love. It may not make sense to all, and many will not agree but for me love is not something concrete. Love is ever evolving and has many different meanings for people, many may not even believe in love but for me love is eternal.
I wish you all love my friends and I hope it finds you in its own unique way.