The only reason I choose to stay alive is so my family doesn’t live with the devastation of my suicide. My pain is not more than the life long pain they would live with.
The only reason I choose to stay alive is so my family doesn’t live with the devastation of my suicide. My pain is not more than the life long pain they would live with.
A few short stories in relation to today’s daily prompt. Somewhere hidden within the text is a sense of something being gone or lost. I find that the word gone itself is very empty with little to offer in terms of emotion.
The Wi-Fi was fine and good
It was I who had no connections left
“You really mean the world to be my darling!”
This was the birthday text that was sent.
Blue ticks. It’s been read. No reply.
The heart sank. I understood, someone else has taken the place.
Somewhere between yesterday’s shadow and
Somewhere between tomorrow’s insecurities
We end up ruining today’s happiness.
Sooner or later,
We all come to realise that being a
Child was the best thing ever.
“Can you live without him?” her friend asked.
“No, but I would rather let him fly than break his wings.”
They both cried endlessly.
One had to forget and move on,
The other regretted letting go.
Somewhere between parents expectations and society’s interference, dreams died.
Take me back in time when people and emotions were real.
Take me to my childhood….
Somewhere between “I want to grow up” and
“I want to be a child again”, Life happened.
“Little men with little minds and little imaginations go through life in little ruts, smugly resisting all changes which would jar their little worlds.” – Zig Ziglar
Plenty of these men around.
I love you with all my heart and soul and I thought that you should know that I’m with you till the end
I hope you know that I mean it so
You mean the world to me, you light up my day, you touch my heart in your own sweet way.
You unlocked my heart and put a beat into my life when I thought that my life was over
I want to say that I love you and not a moment goes by where I don’t think of you
A boy as wonderful as you is very hard to find
You bring me comfort when you are by my side, the love that I have for you is endless and something which I cannot hide
I love when we hold hands because you have and hold the biggest place in my heart and everyday I pray that we never be apart
I love you so much and I want you to know there is no one else in this world I’d be happier with, I’m happiest when I am with you
You bring rays of sunshine into my life every moment I am with you
The love I have for you is pure and true and when I am with you, I am complete
Since I have been with you, you have lit the path of my life with hope and dreams, laughter and strength, love and security, warmth and encouragement
When I look into your beautiful eyes, I see the love you have for me and I want you to know,
A, I love you more than you know
Patience means active waiting and enduring. It means staying with something or someone,working together or in solitude, hoping, and exercising faith even when our end goal appears out of reach or unachievable. Patience means staying with something until its reached its most natural end. It means delaying our need for immediate gratification. It means having to rein in our anger and holding back the unnecessary unkind words. Above all it means remaining optimistic, positive, realistic and determined. Patience means accepting the circumstances as they are, particularly when they cannot be influenced and facing it with courage, grace, and faith; ultimately, patience means being firm and steadfast.
Often the most difficult times of our lives are the most essential building blocks that form the foundation of our character and pave the way to future opportunity, understanding, and happiness. It is at these, most crucial points of our lives that we need and must exercise patience because quite frankly our lives depend on it. Never give up on anyone and that includes not giving up on yourself. The lessons we learn from patience will cultivate our character, lift our lives, and heighten our happiness.
Impatience, on the other hand, can often be deemed a product of selfishness. It is a trait of the self-absorbed which leads individuals believing their needs, goals, ambitions are superior to that of others. All surrounding individuals are merely the supporting cast in the grand theater of mortality in which only they have the starring role! Ha!
How many of us really have the patience to sit down and have a decent conversation with our frail parents? Which one of us takes the time out to talk to a lonesome person in need of company? We live in a fast paced society with all those around us moving at high acceleration leaving behind the frail, the elderly, the terminally ill, the lonesome, the lost and broken individual. There are so many people around us; the elderly couple whose children have flown the nest, the young man whose recovering from drug addiction, the middle-aged woman, a divorced mother of two young children, the homeless man in the city we walk past everyday outside the tube station, the young woman recovering from mental illness and to all those residential care homes. Do we have the patience to even notice them? Or have we all become too self indulgent to even care?
Here is a short, sweet lesson on patience. A NYC Taxi driver wrote:
I arrived at the address and honked the horn. After waiting a few minutes I honked again. Since this was going to be my last ride of my shift I thought about just driving away, but instead I put the car in park and walked up to the door and knocked.. ‘Just a minute’, answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.
After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90’s stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940’s movie.
By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets. There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.
‘Young man, Would you please be kind enough to carry my bag out to the car?’ she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman.
She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb.
She kept thanking me for my kindness. ‘It’s nothing’, I told her.. ‘I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother to be treated.’
‘Oh, you’re such a good boy, she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address and then asked, ‘My dear boy, Could you drive through downtown?’
‘It’s not the shortest way,’ I answered quickly..
‘Oh, I don’t mind,’ she said. ‘I’m in no hurry. I’m on my way to a hospice.
I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. ‘I don’t have any family left,’ she continued in a soft voice..’The doctor says I don’t have very long.’ I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.
‘What route would you like me to take?’ I asked.
For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator.
We drove through the neighborhood where she and her husband had lived when they were newlyweds She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing as a girl.
Sometimes she’d ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.
As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, ‘I’m tired.Let’s go now’.
We drove in silence to the address she had given me. It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.
Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.
I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.
‘How much do I owe you?’ She asked, reaching into her purse.
‘Nothing,’ I said
‘You have to make a living,’ she answered.
‘There are other passengers,’ I responded.Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly.
‘You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,’ she said. ‘Thank you.’ I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dim morning light.. Behind me, a door shut.It was the sound of the closing of a life..
I didn’t pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day,I could hardly talk.What if that woman had gotten an angry driver,or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away?
On a quick review, I don’t think that I have done anything more important in my life. We’re conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
To tell a lie takes guts
The confidence that you’ll never be caught or a time won’t come where you’re forced to tell the truth
The illusion that it’s a small lie, it won’t hurt anyone
The mask of power and control blinding you from reality
You replace truth with silence; this silence is your lie
To own up to lying takes all amounts of energy and strength
It was your silence which told the cruellest lie
Now you must face the audience with the fear of rejection, wrath, hatred and disgust
Fear of anger against your lies, an anger which could last forever
The realisation of the magnitude of implications the lie has caused
The viewing of pain caused by you in others
Observing the person falls apart so easily when all along they had been held together with lies
The broken trust, oh what a tangled web you have woven in your practice to deceive!
Your truth has no concern for the persons comfort, it is raw and uneasy
We have all been at the receiving end of lies during some point in our lives. Some more so than others, some by loved ones, some by strangers. The ones we consider close or special have often been amongst the first to deceive us with their lies and deception.
I hate lies and I can’t stand liars. Probably no one can. Lies make me feel very low, exposed and deeply disrespected. The very act of lying denies not only you of respect for yourself, but also for the liar and for the world in which you live. It’s entirely depressing and painful to believe that the people close to us, our so-called family, friends, colleagues, as well as the endless number of deceitful politicians and public servants you’re forced to choose between at elections are in one way or another less than genuine whose primary concern is their own needs and desires. The number of people who have lied to me is beyond my own comprehension; nevertheless each and every time has left me feeling foolish and vulnerable. In my case, I trust people to a certain extent by default but should this trust be broken without a legitimate reason, I have found it extremely difficult and have been reluctant to trust that individual again. I have no qualms with the truth, no matter how painful or difficult it maybe, at provides me with an avenue to work with, an opportunity to provide a solution and in some cases accept that I am powerless to influence the circumstances to my favour. Surely this is not too much to ask? Unfortunately, it appears to be a rather too much to ask of today’s society where lies are slowly but surely becoming a mainstream occurrence.
What are the consequences for people living in a society where everyone; from those in power to ordinary citizens lying, stealing, cheating and deceiving? The consequences are monstrous, we end up breeding a generation that has been conditioned to lying; a fertile foundation for greed, selfishness, and utter disregard for the fellow human being. Furthermore, lying itself causes inequalities, harms relationships and wastes precious time and energy. On occasions, I have observed individuals sharing only part or ‘half-truths’, yet the part they choose to omit and neglect to share is often the most significant element. This is just as bad as lying. But let us not entirely knock this lying individual as many people (myself included) hide the truth because they’re afraid to reveal the truth, hurt the feelings of another and cause what at the time would be seen as unnecessary trouble. This fear can also be of rejection, or hurt or pain to oneself or to the opposite person resulting in guilt or regret. Nonetheless, I do believe that lying is lying; nothing can change a lie or the consequences of a lie. Sooner or later the truth does come out, it is revealed. I say that if we have to hold our tongues for a short period of time to avoid confrontation then so be it but ensure this period of time is as short as circumstantially viable. Strangely enough however, we reside in a society where lying and lies have become a cultural norm, almost like second nature almost; bringing with it an illusion of pleasure and comfort. And further to this, humans like you and I are very much inclined to be drawn into such lies too. Yet, for individuals who display a love for the truth and commitment to it are seldom appreciated or accepted and have often fallen victim to various forms of unnecessary punishment.
It is common knowledge that lying has a detrimental impact upon our personal and professional relationships. Individuals who have fallen victim to lies very often experience feelings of betrayal, angry, hurt, and utter disappointment. Many feel morally blemished by the perpetrators lies which in many cases can lead to people developing beliefs that any form of closeness to others can or may lead to pain and rejection and must be avoided. There may not be a more destructive manner in which to distance yourself from the possibility of intimacy than to push away the ones that love you. As human beings, because the frequency at we are lied to is high, it commonly results in us becoming somewhat over sensitive to even the smallest white lie and ultimately it’s about one feeling: it hurts.
Equally its fair to argue that we all lie at one point or another during our lives, on occasions for legitimate reasons to protect or prevent adverse circumstances and on other occasions for more selfish desires. Unfortunately, as it has become a mainstream element of our society to lie for selfish desires rather than to protect an individual, it is difficult to distinguish between those who are genuine and those who are not. Many say lying is a necessary evil, I don’t entirely agree. Is it at all possible to reside in a society where total honesty prevails? I believe so yes and although this may appear a rather idealistic concept, I truly do believe it’s one which has the power to make society a better place. Many conversations would flow easier, less time would be wasted, more money would be saved and of course, fewer hearts would be broken.
There is incredible beauty in the truth which is spoken kindly, humbly and compassionately, even if this truth is painful. Those individuals, who lie, cause upheaval in the lives of individuals, their families, friends and loved ones and force individuals to view life in a manner which looks appealing to the lazy one, miraculous to the ignorant, and empowering to the weak one. Contrary to this illusion, lies which we tell and lie which we fall victim to only strengthen our weaknesses. Such lies do not provide us with meaningful knowledge, assist in any way, or fix or cure anything. Neither do such lies develop one’s personality and character, one’s intellectual or emotional mind, one’s heart or one’s own soul. This makes truth to be a very risky proposition and it is the essence of average and mediocre minds to believe that lies are necessary in society with a purpose to serve, where truth itself is revolutionary, that candour is highly hazardous and that life itself is built on and sustained by lies.
For me, being true to myself, with honesty and integrity is a way of life.
Truth alone prevails
Take care & best wishes,
In another world I would be accepted
In another world there would be no pain
In another world, running will come as second nature
wind blowing through my hair
heart beating hard
moving faster and faster
In another world I will be loved
affection, comfort, trust,
understanding, honesty, peace
adventure, fun and security
In another world I will have freedom
freedom of expression
freedom to live by choice
freedom from hatred
In another world I tears would never come
In another world I would not want to hide
In another world happiness would be the norm
In another world…….
If you could read my mind
you would realise the way I feel about you.
Moments and seconds of pure adoration,
adoration for you.
Feelings that you have thrown across my heart,
deep-felt wishes to be in your presence.
I long to be with you, hold you,
to feel you close to me.
Your voice soothing away the choking fears,
casting the tones for my daydreams,
dreams about the valleys and meadows of love.
Scattering the essence of the my thoughts,
one soft spoken word, a smile and I am lost,
lost in your world, floating in harmony.
You walked the pathway to my heart,
leaving footprints of engaging emotion.
Brittle footsteps of young love,
an inspiration to daily living.
On the breath of the wind I hear your name,
gently whispered by mother nature,
The care I feel, and the care that
I share for you is true. I trust you know this.
Remember the time when
things were sweet and new…
Hold them close to your heart
and they will never depart…
You will smile and realize… that
they are really not gone..…
For as long as you can remember…
your dream…..hopes.… and love
shared….. you are never alone…
When days pass too quickly…..
and the nights seem to fade your
days of love and hope are yours
and can’t be taken away…..
They are yours and mine to
Remember and hold… my dear…
While deliberating the contents of my blogs I realised that blogging is a fairly new concept for me specifically because it’s so public. Before blogs, people like myself kept personal journals which were private. Perhaps this was something that many of us did in our younger years or as a school project. I purchased notebook and pen and began to write. If any of you were like me then you’ll understand what I mean when I say I often spent hours deliberating what to write. My pages were often left blank with a few words or doodles. While thinking of how and what to write, I remember it had to be perfect, articulate, witty, engaging and wise. I deliberated for hours on how I could make it insightful and beautifully written; otherwise what was the purpose of writing at all? I often kept little notes of my thoughts, or quotes which I found heart touching and specifically applicable in areas of my life. I felt that if my very first entry didn’t set the stage for the rest of my journal, then it was pointless. Eventually I wrote something appropriate and decent down. This followed the scrutiny of proofread and deciding it was not up to standard, I’d hide away the journal so no one would see how inadequate I was at writing. Now, when I leaf through some of my old bits of writing, I feel privileged to see the growth in diverse areas of my life through my own personal words, thoughts and feelings.
Now we’re in the 21st century and although journals are still around, I feel they are now quickly being overtaken and in some cases being replaced by blogs which appear to be a permanent aspect of our lives now. So I decide, along with my personal journal which I still write, I will start a blog. I have never really planned how to write a blog, the same way I have never planned my personal journal venture in which I expose my life’s little mysteries. I am no writer and I don’t pretend to be at all, all I know is I want to share with you the various aspects of my life which are significant to me. I write because it brings me great pleasure to share some of my most intimate and secret feelings. It brings me solace and I doubt that many of us now with our busy lifestyles actually find the time to write down our thoughts so precisely.
But really why do we need to write at all? Well, in my opinion not all intimate thoughts should be shared with the world but purely for the sake of yourself and your own heart, write to feel good, to feel free, to free pleasure and feel connected with your soul. I encourage you to write, whether you do it online or in a notebook. Write with your heart, write whatever you may feel or think at the present moment in time without a limit, ignoring rules and conditions. Explore, discover, create, write, express. I have discovered that there is something special about expressing your thoughts through writing and it is this form of writing that provides the most unique ability to speak and hear your inner self. So go on, breathe life into your soul, your mind and express yourself.