Ambivalence

You’re not in love with her 

If yelling at her in an argument doesn’t make your throat burn like you just downed six shots, you’re not in love with her.

If her eyes can’t make you stop in your tracks and think about what you are about to say next, you’re not in love with her.

If her laugh doesn’t make you tense up your knuckles thinking about never hearing it again, you’re not in love with her.

If it only hurts her when she cries, you’re not in love with her.

If her voice cant calm your worst anxiety attacks and make you want to listen to anything she has to say, you’re not in love with her.

If her smile doesn’t make your chest quake and your lungs shrink but feel refreshed all in one motion, you’re not in love with her. 

If her taking her clothes off is when you pay the most attention to her, you’re not in love with her at all. 

Best wishes,

Maahi PM

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A reason to live 

The only reason I choose to stay alive is so my family doesn’t live with the devastation of my suicide. My pain is not more than the life long pain they would live with. 

Best wishes, 

Maahi PM 

Daily Prompt: Infinite

Via Daily Prompt: Infinite

We must accept finite disappointment, but we must never lose infinite hope.
We must remember that beyond the horizon of the so called impossible is infinite possibility.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

A Day…..

A day without her – Fun

A week without her – Tiring

A month without her – Sad

A year without her – Lonely

A life without her – Curse

 

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

 

Daily Prompt: Gone

Via Daily Prompt: Gone

A few short stories in relation to today’s daily prompt. Somewhere hidden within the text is a sense of something being gone or lost. I find that the word gone itself is very empty with little to offer in terms of emotion.

The Wi-Fi was fine and good 
It was I who had no connections left

“You really mean the world to be my darling!”
This was the birthday text that was sent.
Blue ticks. It’s been read. No reply.
The heart sank. I understood, someone else has taken the place. 

Somewhere between yesterday’s shadow and 
Somewhere between tomorrow’s insecurities 
We end up ruining today’s happiness.

Sooner or later, 
We all come to realise that being a 
Child was the best thing ever.

“Can you live without him?” her friend asked.
“No, but I would rather let him fly than break his wings.”

They both cried endlessly.
One had to forget and move on, 
The other regretted letting go. 

Somewhere between parents expectations and society’s interference, dreams died. 

Take me back in time when people and emotions were real.
Take me to my childhood….

Somewhere between “I want to grow up” and 
“I want to be a child again”, Life happened.

 

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

Tough Love

1. The little things that make us happy, the little things which make us feel loved, cared for, respected and appreciated always seem little at the time, but as the years pass, you will realise that they are what make up the very essence and beauty of your relationship.

2. Love has and will always remain to be a risk and gamble. You may know a person very closely and be very comfortable with them but none of us can ever be 100% sure as none or us can predict the future.

3. It’s more important that everyday you are able to consciously choose your partner to be your partner rather that just blaming it or putting it down merely on fate or simply stating that you were “meant to be.” It would be foolish to think or believe that you just floated passively into the relationship; you, like your partner were equal in choosing to take the steps to develop a relationship with each other so you are equally responsible.

4. Relationships, and by that I mean any relationships are bloody hard work and we all know it. Sometimes, you will become frustrated and you’re going to think that shutting down, bringing up the brick wall and emotionally removing yourself from the problem and quite possibly from the relationship temporarily is the wise and mature thing to do.

5. However, hiding or suppressing your feelings, bringing up that wall and closing yourself off from your partner is just as hurtful to them and harmful to your relationship as it is lashing out or yelling. The behaviour creates unnecessary uncertainty and animosity. Sometimes, it can be more detrimental to withdrawn emotionally from the relationship and your partner and the damage can be irreversible.

6. At times it will feel strange to become so open with another person – not caring when they see you in your most hideous state, being more concerned with having a good sleep than with looking adorable while doing so, having no shame regarding bodily functions, etc.

7. But these sort of things are also what bring you to the next level of intimacy in your relationship – being so close with someone that you feel like they’re the only person in the world who knows the unedited, unfiltered, unperfected version of you. The only person who knows the realest, most simple version of you and loves you because of it.

8. The novelty of a being with a new person is infatuating, but its inability to last long-term is what makes it so addictive in the first place.

9. A lasting, meaningful and long term relationship will not always feel as exciting and thrilling as the beginning of a new fling or affair, but it is much more likely to provide lasting happiness and contentment.

10. Sometimes your significant other is going to absolutely drive you crazy – and not in a passionate, head-over-heels kind of way. Its the kind of crazy where you wish you could make use of a club and a spade, oh and you just have to accept that its totally normal.

11. Physical attraction is critical but you have to remember everybody gets old and wrinkly. Therefore, attraction should be primarily be based on the persons values and their personality from the onset. This way you both are more likely to become more attractive to each other as you grow old together.

12. Love, roses, attraction affection and relationships are not immune to issues, arguments, and disagreements. The relationships which last are simply the ones who work out how to work through it, no matter how long it takes or how unpleasant it may be.

13. You will never be completely in love with every single aspect of your significant other. Of course, most of their quirks will be irresistible, some will drive you up the wall and make you scream. What is important is that you love them as a whole person, without trying to change them into a flawless, ideal and ‘perfect’ partner (who will never exist).

14. It’s easy to be in love when things are simple; it’s harder to be in love and stay in love when it feels as if every part of your life is an effort and a struggle. But as strange as it may sound, in relationships you become much closer when you go through shitty times together, as opposed to the uncomplicated phases of life.

15. It’s normal to love someone very deeply but to sometimes not like them.

16. Harsh as it may sound, you will never be completely fulfilled by another person. They can make you feel whole, loved, and happy. But its is not not at all possible to find the real meaning and purpose of your life within them – they can form a part of your life, but they are not the answer to it entirely. You have to take responsibility for your own happiness first before they can share that happiness with you.

17. Sometimes, loving your partner will not be effortless. It will take work and energy but don’t be under the illusion that this makes your relationship a failure. On the contrary, it makes you both real and human.

Best Wishes,

Maahi PM

When words are not enough…

Have you ever noticed that sometimes the words we use have a hollow meaning? We live our lives saying a vast number of things. Some we mean, some we don’t, some things are hurtful, some a lie and some are kind and some are loving. Words are heavy but actions are worth the weight of gold. Sometimes the words we use can break a heart, a promise, a ray of hope into a million pieces. The chances of recovery from them can often take a lifetime. Can we really trust the words which we use and the words of others too? Often our words are emotionally driven, and the nature of emotions is that they are volatile, ever-changing and binding too. We feel hurt or upset one minute and utter hostile words yet when we have calmed down we express apology and regret. So which of our words do we trust? The hostile ones or the apology? If we ourselves cannot be firm in our words how can we expect the same in return? Words are uttered into the wind and are difficult to catch. Words can be and are deceiving depending on how much meaning they contain within their letters. They lose meaning when actions reflect their opposite. Words have the power to make promises but only actions hold the key to keep them. So in this case is it not fair to say words have little meaning under the influence of actions? Do we need and depend on action alone? Yes I believe so. An action reflecting affection, love and commitment has heavier weight in comparison to words. Yet we must have and hold onto the faith of words as some actions are not possible in the immediate present. If we cannot be true to our own words, the reflection of our actions will demonstrate a skewed result. Sometimes thoughts in your head are going around in a circle and you can’t say anything because you think that you have no right. You reproduce a whole number of questions and answers or even the whole monologues with explanations in your mind, knowing they will never be words that passed your lips. But they are still spinning and spinning… until they burn out, leaving behind a scorched place leaving you feeling as if you lost a small part of your own soul… But in such times be patient, be strong and hold on to your faith. No it’s not easy but being true to your emotions, allowing yourself to feel and accept what you feel will guide you towards having words which are true. If you know your words to be true you will have no hesitation in proving them time and again, whether it be through action or even inaction. We are not responsible for other people’s misunderstandings but if we’re true to our word its our responsibility to prove ourselves particularly to our loved ones and those close to us. Our lives and their lives hang on our words more than our actions. We have no right to string them along if we ourselves are unsure. Be sure from the onset, do not become unsure half way through, this tortures the mind of others as well as ours. Many missed opportunities come about as a result of being unsure, yet when we utter the words of being sure we are not being true to anyone. What is to be gained from uttering words which are untrue? Immediate gratification possibly but in the long run we sink low, lower than we can ever pick ourselves up. Be careful with the words you say anyone. Do we realize what we say or how it will make others feel? In my experience I have had words uttered to me which can only an described as needles, not enough to kill me but have given me enough pain to cry and be wounded for life. They have created self-doubt and lowered my self-esteem. Although today these words do not create the same effect, there is still a hole, a nasty gap which was never filled with good honest words. The only person who can completely take the needles out is me and I have achieved this over 10 years. After the needles were gone I was left with the gap and bruises that only a few people see if at all. This is one side to the power of words. I can hardly speak of the other side but I know and believe it does exist. Words have and hold the power to heal. Motivational speakers. counsellors, other therapists all use the power of words to heal and they work but action is needed in some form or another. Sometimes, words aren’t enough to make someone feel that you care for them. It needs a little efforts to convince that you care. Actions are underrated and very often taken for granted. Yet actions reflect truth, always. Why would it matter whether you say I love you if what you do is what demonstrates it clearly? Whatever you do don’t hurt anyone through your actions, do not show tough love to a person in need of tender love. Do not drive someone to self-doubt and ultimately a death with the knowledge they are unloved. Actions become infinite and that’s when it all becomes worthwhile for us all.

Best wishes,
Maahi PM